Written By: Rachel Hamm
Hey everyone, its Rachel here again! Hope you all are having a blessed day so far!
This post is going to be very different from my last one, today I’m going to tell you about my own love story, or the first part of it anyway. So let’s begin….
My story begins almost 22 years ago, when I was born in Moncton, New Brunswick. I was adopted before birth by my wonderful parents, a pastor and his wife, who had been waiting for a child from God for many years. I was their baby girl, their one and only. They spent every waking moment focused on making my life the best it could be. They taught me at home so I would have a wholesome, God-fearing education, piano lessons every Wednesday from the age of 5 to the age of 19, and anything else they could do to enhance my education. Mom retired from nursing when I was born, so every moment was spent together, going on day trips, doing school, learning about God together. Everything was wonderful, until one day the news came that our tiny country church would have to close it’s doors. We were devastated, and Dad needed a new job and fast to support his family. So, he began applying to church’s all over the U.S.A and Canada. In the end, he got called to a little town called Cottam, Ontario. And that’s the beginning of my love story.
We moved to Cottam in October of 2004, not knowing anyone or having anything. I remember how devastated my parents were to leave our home, family, and friends to move somewhere completely new to all of us. It was a hard adjustment for sure, but after our first Sunday at Cottam Baptist Church we knew that we had a new family now, and friends that would last a lifetime.
I actually have no recollection of actually meeting Matthew strangely enough. My first actual memory of him is on new years eve of that year, something about drinking the entire water fountain at church between the hours of 9pm and midnight with him and his sister. Somehow he was just always around during our early years in Cottam. I do remember spending a lot of time at his house due to the fact that they were the perfect babysitters, already having 8 kids at home at the time. What was one more? From day one, I was one of the sisters, and suddenly I had 5 brothers around to protect me (more like tease me to death), and 3 sisters! It was like I hit the jackpot, pardon the expression! My memories of Matthew were of tears and annoyance after he made the 5th red head joke of the night or whatever he chose to tease me about on that particular day. He was definitely the most annoying of the brothers. Apparently I’m being told now that should have been my first clue as to the fact he liked me, but I never had that feeling growing up myself! 😉
Growing up I was a bit of a loner, being an only child I longed to be around people but I also loved my space because that was my familiar place. Matthew was almost the opposite, he spent a lot of time alone reading growing up, but almost every waking moment was spent in the noise of his siblings around him. He longed for the quiet I had and didn’t want. He was a tease and I was serious. Complete opposites. Opposites supposedly attract right?
Then there comes the time where I remember spending time with Matthew more, with his siblings and our mutual friends. We began to grow closer as friends, and spend as much time as we could together.
Matthew’s sister Victoria began to take music lessons from my piano teacher, who was conveniently about 4 doors down from our house. Matthew began to come with her to her lessons and get dropped off at our house. We lived on a retired farm with a bush behind it, so we would go out for walks to the bush and look for places to build forts and such, it became a weekly ritual, one we both looked forward to. We became best friends fast.
I remember the first time he called me specifically at my house. He had just passed his G1 test so he could drive on his own now, and it was in a complete blizzard, no idea how he actually drove for this test! Anyways, I remember my mom coming into my room with the phone, eyebrows raised, saying “Matthews on the phone for you..” That was the beginning of daily phone conversations, and email chains, some over 200 emails long.
He still has all those emails..
Matthew started air cadets when he was 16 years old. His dream was, and still is, to become a pilot someday. So every Wednesday night I would rush my parents home after our kids club at church so that he could stop by on his way home from air cadets. We always had to have a steady supply of Reese’s puffs cereal for him, that was his staple at the time, something my mother never would have bought otherwise!
The first time we ever talked about us being more than friends happened on one of those walks back to the woods. We had talked about maybe dating for a long time, but nothing had some of it. So one day I just put it out there. What are we? Do you like me or not? He told me he did, and he wanted to be more than friends. That scared me sufficiently not having ever been in a relationship, so I said let’s think about it for awhile. So we started slowly, things like holding hands secretly, talking about what we wanted our relationship to be, little things like that.
The first time he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me was September 16th, 2012. We had been at a friends wedding about 4 hours away from home. His family drove home that night, mine stayed for a week at a friends house. We texted his whole drive home, I was up all night that night. They got home about 2 am, and after he said I’ll be right back, just have to unload the van, I almost fell asleep. When I heard a chime from my phone, I barely woke up to turn it on, but I’m so thankful I did, because the message said: “I love you Rachel, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you wait for me and marry me someday?” I felt so happy and in love when I read that message, it brought tears to me eyes. And there was no doubt in my mind. Of course I would wait for him.
Our first kiss was at a youth group even at our church. We were playing hide and go seek in the dark, which was a favorite among us kids. I ran down to the basement with some of my friends, we all hid in different spots, and he found me. As we stood there in the darkness, he leaned over and said, “I love you,” and kissed me. It was a beautiful moment, and from that moment on we were inseparable.
Matthew has worked pretty much full time from the age of 16 years old, he started as an electrical apprentice at the age of 18, which meant a full-time job sometimes 80-90 hours a week, with school 2 nights a week on top of that. It was a rough 4 years, his working so much we hardly got to see each other, and during that time I began nursing school. Long hours of studying and clinicals on top of him being so busy made it hard. But we made it! Lots of late night phone conversations and continuous texting made it easier, and the time we did have together was wonderful. We cherished every moment.
Honestly neither of us can remember what we did on our first date, but I do remember him going to ask my dad if he could take me out. My Dad told him he respected him for asking permission to take his daughter out in this day in age. From that time on, he asked basically every time we did something. Something so small, but so big for my Dad.
We spent lot’s of time doing things with my parents. Road trips on weekends, one year on my birthday, my parents surprised me with a trip to Toronto the night before my birthday. Matthew took me out to the Keg that night, and I was goodnight that night thinking about how sad I was I wasn’t going to see him on my birthday. The next morning when I woke up and came downstairs with my bag, he was there. In my shock, he asked me to count the tickets for our boat ride again. And this time, there was 4. I was so excited, we spent 2 days there with my parents it was beautiful. One year, he went to New Brunswick with us to visit my family, he had broken his finger badly and had to have surgery so he had 6 weeks off work, and it just worked out to when we were going. All our family and friends were so accommodating, making a space for him to stay so he could come with us, that was one of the best week’s of my life.
We started talking about getting married early as I mentioned before. Matthew always knew that we were getting married. He even told me probably 4 years ago, the next time September 16th(the day he first told me he loved me) is on a Saturday is in 2017, that’s our day. I laughed at him, saying theres no way! We graduate that year, we wont even have our lives together, there absolutely no way we’re getting married in 2017.
The Lord had other plans. He spoke to my dad in January of 2017, and on March 4th, 2017, on a whirlwind trip to Niagara Falls, he asked me to be his wife. I actually didn’t say yes out loud, I just burst out crying and laughing at the same time and put out my left hand for him to put the ring on it. I think my actions worked as a yes! So many years as friends, then best friends, then our dating years, and now we were in another completely different part of our relationship, Engagement! It was so surreal for so long, I almost felt like it was a dream after so many years of waiting.
And so ends the first part of my love story, the long part! On to part #2..
Written By: Daniella Coombe
Commitment. This ten letter word may not seem to have much of a meaning, but in the last few weeks, this word is something I’ve fallen back to.
The Oxford dictionary definition of this word is “The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”.
We are all committed to something, it may be your job, an activity, to your significant other, etc. Even when we say we’re going to be somewhere your committed to that. I myself is allocated to multiple things like school, my job, dance classes, volunteering at numerous places etc.
There have even been times in the last couple of weeks where I didn’t want to go two something, but I was committed to it. The most recent of this occurred when I was asked to work on a Saturday, but I’m also committed to dance on Saturdays, which I haven’t been to in over a month. This is when we have to make tough decisions in our lives picking between which commitment to go to.
We even commit ourselves to loving God and by living by his words. Psalms 37:5 “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Without commitment this world would be chaos, things like at activities and clubs wouldn’t be able to run because no one is committed to running the activity or club.
When we commit our lives to something involving children, know that they count on you being there to build their relationship with you. Sometimes it may not seem like children really care if you’re there or not but in reality it can throw their whole week off. They may look forward to Wednesday’s as they get to see you, but if your not there just know you always have that one child who was looking forward to chatting with you about their week and telling you about the good and the bad.
Until Next Time,
Written By: Beverley Deguire
The snow was falling as the car drove along the highway. As the car entered into its lane the driver didn’t see the patch of black
ice up ahead. And the car spun and slipped on the ice turning into the oncoming traffic on the highway… bright lights headed toward the passenger side and then …. I woke up in the ICU. That was January 31 2009.
I still can’t remember it to this day … but apparently the car was t-boned on the passenger door by an oncoming car and I was crushed between the console and the dashboard. The next thing I remember was being in the ICU, my parents, brother and aunt around my bed and nurses and doctors coming in and out.
Laying there I said to my parents that I wasn’t scared … if this was the time for me to die, then I would be with God. My faith was rooted in the promise of so much more and that God was with me. I really wasn’t afraid to die … but my time here on earth wasn’t finished.
The tally of injuries was extensive, I couldn’t walk, I could barely breathe and I lived in the hospital for 6 weeks and during that time all I could do was hold on to the promise that God was with me.
I got frustrated with myself, I was angry at the situation, discouraged from the pain, I often wondered if it was worth it, struggling to stay alive, fighting the pain. I felt completely broken and insignificant.
In one instant my life as I’d known it had changed. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right and there was nothing I could do to change what had happened. It was a miracle that I was alive… but the journey ahead was going to be a long one.
In those moments God and I had some pretty big talks … tears, frustrations, struggling with why, with physical pain, From learning how to walk again to bringing movement and mobility back to almost all of my body, to breathing issues … the accident had left me changed.
I came to understand that You can’t always choose your circumstance but you can choose how you will respond to it.
I had a choice to make … How was I going to deal with this? With the pain, with the brokenness with the change in me, who I was had been greatly impacted. My life had changed. What followed were years of painful processing … physical, mental and emotional. I loss my life as I had known it, I lost my job and I’d felt like I’d lost myself. I felt completely broken and worthless and couldn’t even recognize myself.
I struggled with my identity … who am I.
Am I what I do? Am I what I achieved? Am I the things I’ve done right or am I defined by the things I’ve done wrong? Does God really love me? Why would he let this happen?
My identity and self-worth had been shaken to the core … but somewhere in the midst of it all … I knew God loved me … as broken as I was … as shattered as I felt … God LOVES ME!
And I learned a lesson: How I identify myself determines How I approach life.
If I am what I do – I will always need to achieve more to find my value. If I am what other’s say I am – I will always try to please people instead of my heavenly father. But when I listen to who God says I am and embrace His identity in me – I find the freedom, the strength and the courage to live out all He has in store for me.
God shaped something in me that I couldn’t see, and He used the mess I was in for His Glory! All I had to do was choose to allow Him into my situation. Let go and Let God … do his completing work in my heart and life. I was able to respond to my circumstances with the understanding that I was weak and broken, but that God can still use me in my brokenness.
I love the quote “Broken crayons can still colour” because it reminds me that there are still things I can do and 2 Corinthians 12:9 reminds me of the source of strength and power found only in Jesus “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.’”
I have come to understand that God can use me in my brokenness … because in his strength I can do more, and the brokenness in my life lets His light and power shine through.
As I reflect over the last 9 years, this journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it.
Until Next Time,
Written By: Marisa Dech
I hear a lot of conversations that go something like this…
“Hey, how are you?” “Oh, I’m fine. How are you?” “Good thanks!”
But are we really fine when we say that?
Why do we pretend we’re fine when we’re hurting?
-maybe we just don’t know the person well enough and aren’t comfortable sharing with them?
-maybe because we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves or attract the attention of eavesdroppers?
-maybe we just don’t want to feel judged or have people think less of us?
-maybe we think they won’t take us seriously or maybe they’ll laugh?
-maybe we will breakdown crying or become overwhelmed by explaining our situation?
If you are this person struggling, please tell someone you trust. Everyone has someone they can talk to whether it be a friend, a co-worker, a parent, a spouse or significant other, a teacher, a pastor, etc. You are not alone.
On the other hand…
Do we actually care how others are doing or are we just making conversation? What if that person were to actually tell you how they are doing?
Would you be prepared for an answer like the following:
-My marriage is falling apart
-I’ve been struggling with depression/anxiety
-My parents are getting a divorce
-I’ve been abused
-I’m not sure I can do this anymore
What if we stopped and really looked at the other person and said:
-Are you sure you’re fine/okay?
-Do you want to talk somewhere private?
We as Christians need to be awake & alert and not coast through life. You could be there for someone that really needs help.
I’ll leave you with some lyrics to a song called “If We Are the Body” by Casting Crowns. It talks about our duty as Christians to reach out and be like Jesus:
“But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way, there is a way”
Until Next Time,
Written By: Rachel Hamm
Hey there! My name is Rachel Hamm, and I am blessed to have been asked by my dear friend Kerrington to do some writing for Uniquely Yours Ministries. Kerrington and I have been close friends for 14 years now, ever since I moved to Ontario. All through grade school and high school we were homeschooled, which meant home school co-op was where we grew close in our younger years. Long story short, all the way from being the little red heads at co-op, to this year, where I was honoured to have Kerrington as my maid of honour in my wedding, it has been such a wonderful blessing to grow up with this beautiful woman, and it is again an honour to hopefully be able to bless you in some way through her ministry.
So, as I mentioned before, I got married this past year, September 16th, 2017. It was such a beautiful day where I got to marry my childhood best friend and the love of my life…but more on that later.
When Kerrington asked me to write for this ministry, she asked me to write about relationships, specifically to those young ladies and women out there who are waiting for God’s perfect man for them, or those beginning a relationship! Let’s face it, relationships are hard work. So, I have decided to branch off of that even more, because to have a good relationship, we first need a firm foundation to build on, and what better foundation could we have than our heavenly Father’s word. Through these posts, we will be looking at some strong ladies from God’s word and their relationships, to see what kind of relationship we should be having.
So first, what is the definition of a relationship? Well, my dictionary states that a relationship is: “The state of being connected.” Such a simple definition to define such a big word. And the word connection, a strong word in itself. People can be connected as friends, coworkers, neighbors, even simply acquaintances. A better definition for a relationship is the Lord’s definition of the love between a husband and wife, or a seriously committed couple. That definition is found in Ephesians 5 verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for her.” This verse defines love in itself, Christ Jesus literally gave His life’s breath for His “bride,” the Church. Such a beautiful example of the ultimate love to begin. Obviously, the love between a husband and wife is based off of this love, but we as sinful humans could never achieve this kind of love without the help of the Lord Jesus Christ who gave us this example in the first place.
Now, to those who haven’t found someone yet, or for those just in the beginnings of a relationship, how do you know if this is the man for you? Sure, we can all catch a case of “feelings,” the butterflies in your stomach every time you see him, having a hard time talking to him because your afraid of saying something he will think is silly. These feelings are fine, and normal, but your feelings should NEVER be the deciding factor to start a serious relationship with someone. What should be the foundation of a strong Christian relationship?
The most important thing in any relationship is a mutual love for God, and the desire to have Him be first in everything in your life. Any relationship where both people do not have that desire, or one person does and the other doesn’t, is doomed from before it begins. And not to be a stick in the mud ladies, but be very careful what guys you attach yourself too. Looks and charm can reel you in so quickly, and there are men out there who can charm their way into your hearts and lives, and pretend to believe the same things you do, and love the same God you do. They will act like everything you hold dear in your heart as truth is also near to their heart, and they will go to Church with you and behave like Christian men. Only to never set foot in a Church again or pick up the Bible again after you are married and are committed to sharing a life with them. It is a miserable situation to be in, and I have seen it happen time and time again. Guard your hearts, and pray that God would lead you to the man of your dreams, one who loves and follows the Lord with all of his heart.
Another thing that is important in any relationship is mutual respect for each other and the clearly defined roles of a man and woman that God has set forth in His word. Ephesians 5 verses 22-24 says it best: “ Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the Church; and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
Now I realize the woman in every one of us is saying, “In EVERYTHING? I can’t have a say in anything in my life?”
First of all, that point of view is very wrong. We have an equal say in our relationships, and make decisions accordingly and by following God’s word. This verse is not saying that women have no say and can’t speak up about any decisions in their married life, It is saying that we are to have respect for our husbands and their decisions, and that way there will be a mutual respect between a husband and a wife. The husband will feel respected and the wife will feel like she is loved and a part of the decision making, and they both make decisions together.
Secondly, remember it’s not just the woman under authority. Men are under authority as the heads of the households. They answer to the Church and to God Himself. Husbands who commit to Christ create a happy home where respect and authority have reached a happy medium.
The last thing I want to touch on that makes a strong Christian relationship is honesty. Proverbs 10 verse 9 states: “Whoever walks in Integrity (honesty) walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” If you can’t trust the person you are in a relationship with, even in the little things, there is no way you will be able to sustain a lasting relationship with them. Plain and simple. Having an honest man and being honest yourself is very important.
There are other things that are essential to having a strong Christian relationship, and we will touch on a number of them throughout these posts so I will leave them until then.
I hope and pray that this will provide some insight to you as to what is required for a strong, Christian relationship. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Written by: Alisha Berg
I’m Alisha and I’m a married mom of a beautiful four year old little girl. My daughter Regan is a very special little girl. In Novemebr of 2012 Regan was born. She came into this world the colour grey and not breathing at all. My whole world changed that day. Regan was whisked away to the NICU and stayed there till she could be transferred to a different hospital and we stayed there for about six months! So much happened during that time that altered my life, her life and my whole family life. Regan was intubated (had a tube down her throat towards her lungs) for almost 4 months and she was trached (had a tracheotomy tubed placed in her neck so she could breathe)in month 4. She also in the beginning had a nasal feeding tube which was then transferred to a GJ tube (a tube in her stomach that connected to her jejunum bypassing the stomach). A month after she came home the GJ became a G tube with a Mic-Key button (a tube that allows food into the stomach). Regan also has been on a ventilator during her 4 years. She started out on it 24/7 during intubation period and the start of her initial trached period but now she only uses it at night because she has central sleep apnea (where her brain forgets to breathe every so often).
During the six months in hospital we spent may days wondering if she was going make it. They lost her heartbeat a few times, she needed a lot of oxygen in the beginning and so many other things happened along the way. When Regan was trached we then learned how to inline suction while she was vented, use a normal suction which is now our everyday normal. We learned how to use a feeding pump and hook it up to her tube and extension so she could get her nutrients in. Then there were the months of vent training. So in depth and so much to learn it was very overwhelming but the support I had was incredible and the prayer team covering Regan, my family and myself was incredible!
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harms you, plans to give you a hope and a future”
Until Next Time,
Written By: Kerrington Sweeney
You suck. You hurt. You lie. You steal. You kill. You destroy.
Perfectionism is a deadly play ground to step into. It’s demands upon ones self and others. It is filled with unreasonable expectations, that can never be attained here on earth.
The areas that perfectionism often attacks in my opinion would be…(This being more specifically geared to women. Since that is the audience we most reach.)
Our Relationships. Everyone is always setting a standard. Actually no, these standards have already been set! They are not even personal standards, these are worldly standards feeding perfectionists with garbage. Because we all know everyone wants the “title” of being the insta-worthy looking couple and to be honest, it is literally something I have even personally tried to attain. To look a certain way as a couple, to act a certain way, and to be married in a PERFECT amount of time, etc. It adds so much unnecessary stress to you and your partner.
Our Bodies. The lies that people can speak at times can be deeply wounding to a persons heart who is struggling with perfectionism but, isn’t winning in the area of physical body perfectionism. The media, the movies, the expectations and the standards that are placed on women of “what we should look like” , “what we should dress like” , “what we should act like.” Its disgusting and sickening to me. All of the things that they are promoting are 100% against what a lady should act like. It hurts me.
Our families. Have you ever lived with one? A perfectionist, I mean? Well, my family has (ME!) and I have heard many times that I can cause extra stress and expectations that are, like I said before unattainable in this life. Perfectionism makes it hard to be around a person, hard to talk to them and even hard to want to be around them…cause of the high stress they “give” off so to say.
Our ministry. Something I have struggled with as I began my journey as a Pastor, was perfectionism. Trying to have the most well-behaved students, best curriculum, amazing leaders, incredible relationships built with ALL of the students, etc. Now I am not saying that these few things listed above aren’t attainable…just maybe not all the time. My mentor once told me, in ministry lets say you are running a kids programs and the games sucked, worship was awful (the kids were running around and not listening) and come to lesson time there isn’t much difference there either. But then, small groups come and you have an incredible 20 minutes with your students, thats okay! Not everything has to be perfect for God to show up. Because God likes messy, He’s there in the thick of it. God hates perfectionism because its a chaos filled, vicious cycle of lies that hurts His children.
Our everyday life. Here is an honest and transparent thought of mine. Perfectionism hurts me every single day. Want to know why? Because…If I don’t lose that pound I want to lose, I call myself failure. If my homemade christmas cards aren’t turning out like I wanted them to, I call myself failure. If I am not there for every person that ‘needs’ me and I say the forbidden word of “NO” , I call myself a failure. Folks, I don’t know if you can see what I am saying but, perfectionism attacks from every angle, its always in the act. Its here to steal, kill, and destroy our joy as Christians.
Moving Forward: My takeaway for today would be this. Don’t open the door of your heart to perfectionism any longer. Don’t allow this “vicious turmoil filled thing” to cause unrest and anxious feelings in your life. Live your life to the fullest because God wants you to, not because the world wants you to. When perfectionism is caught in the act of your life, drop to your knees and kick the devil in the face and tell him with a smile on your face “you’re not welcome here anymore.”
Slaying perfectionism one post at a time.
Until Next Time,
Written By: Kerrington Sweeney
Where do I even begin my friends? It has been quiet some time since I have just sat and waited on the Lord and wrote my thoughts down. So here I am today. NO-editing. This is it. 5-10 minutes of straight writing and like I mentioned above 0% editing will be done to this piece.
For a moment, I would like to be real with you all. For the past little while, I have been emotionally very unsettled. Not just hormonally….because we all know that happens. #LadiesDays but, unsettled spiritually too.
I have had a few days where I am just wandering in the wilderness, so to say. A few days of anxiousness, fear, anger, and very uncollected thoughts. Days of desperate cravings for something of stablilty to settle the many extra “things” raging inside me.
Although, I like to seem like I have it all together all the time. I don’t. “Type A personality, people-pleasing, super woman who can do all and be all everywhere and never say NO”, that is me in a transparent nutshell.
I do not have it all together and I beat myself up continuously about it. I call myself a failure. I look at my many flaws, before I look at the body I am blessed with. I look at the accomplishments of others and I degrade myself. I look at others success and I create unattainable goals. I am sick health-wise…and yes, I sure do like hiding it. Because it “looks” better. I feel terribly sick most everyday but, not many would really know it.
Struggle after struggle seems to be surfacing in this season of my life.
These struggles have lead to moments where I have questioned God’s will, and questioned His plans completely.
“God, why don’t I feel content?” “Why do I always need new, change, and excitement…why cant I be founded in you and that just be enough?” “Why am I feeling so unsettled?” “Why cant I have it all together…I am serving you and I feel like I am in your perfect will…Why GOD??”
To be frank, these were the prayers….I mean statements, that had in my waring chat with God this morning.
I live a life with high stress. I am feeling hurt…for no apparent reason. I am angry because of our world and the evil things that its about. I am anxious about future endeavours and yes, I’ll say it again….I don’t have it “all together” and that frustrates me to the core of my being.
I call myself failure, instead of treasured daughter.
I call myself fat, instead of beautiful.
I set unattainable goals that can’t be met.
I make promises and sometimes don’t keep them.
I expect more from myself than anyone else.
I can never say No.
I am a hot-mess express.
I am a work in progress. In a testimony building part of my journey.
Although, in the past 10 minutes of writing this I have not found the peace that I desire…I cling to this: “Come to me all who are weary and are burdened and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28
Thank you for allowing me to ramble in my moments of transparency.
Until Next Time,
Written By: Kerrington Sweeney
Here I am exactly 472 days into my relationship. (Yes, I know the exact days…I am that kind of girl-friend. Don’t even judge me…ha ha!) A relationship that is continually being built to last “till death do us part.”
Being still fairly new, I may not have a lot to offer in ‘advice’ or tips with this dating thing just yet. Then on the other hand, I do feel that from the rocky beginning of our journey together, to now what we will call our forever…I could possibly share some insight in certain areas and from past experiences that we have walked through and learnt greatly from.
First off, what does the term “dating well” even look like?? This is a question that puzzles me, still even to this day.
I have heard countless times Christian leaders, parents and older folks make the comment: “Oh, that young couple… they date so well.”
To be quite honest, I have absolutely no clue what that even looks like or what it truly is “supposed” to look like…because every couple, every relationship, every person is so very different and unique. But like I said earlier…I am going to take a shot at sharing what my thoughts are on being THAT couple, that truly “date well.”
By all means, I am no expert. I don’t have all the answers. If you have all the answers, please do feel free to contact me below. I sure would love to meet with you face to face hahaha. 😉
I have a hand-written list of topics to chat about on this subject in front of me on a brown paper napkin. Of course, all these ideas came to me while I was grabbing a coffee one day and now here I am typing them out for your pleasure and enjoyment at midnight on a Tuesday night.
Alright. Dating well. Here it goes…
This list is not in any order of importance or greatness in a relationship looking to “date well.” Rather its just what came to my heart that one day on the brown paper napkin in line at the local coffee shop.
Communication. Communication is critical. Everyone in a relationship or entering into a relationship will tell you this…Honestly though, it can make you or break you. Again, I am no expert and I still am trying to find the proper balance in everyday communication.
I am glad and even proud to say though that Joshua and I have had a constant conversation since we first started dating. Actually, I don’t like that word ’constant.’ It sounds a little too excessive. Hmm…Here we go, we have had a continued conversation every single day. (See what I did there? lol) Technology has helped a ton with this.
—Important side note though: Communication is not really communication when its always exclusively behind a keyboard/or screen. Make time for actual important conversations with each other. Don’t just text or call about it. Face to face is the way to go. Communication is key.
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life, without it…it dies.” —Tony Gaskins
Ditching expectations. I totally blame the media and our culture for putting such ridiculous expectations on ‘how’ a relationship should look like and function.
The expectation that is constantly sold and broad casted everywhere is that being a relationship all of a sudden makes you the happiest person on the earth.
I am sorry to be the one to burst your bubble…to say thats not true. Yes, you are so happy to have someone to call your own but, relationships aren’t easy and sometimes they aren’t even THAT fun.
They are hard, challenging, and crazy difficult. They require selflessness and sacrifice from both sides of the relationship. Join with me friends, and ‘ditch the expectations and lies’ that the media is force feeding us.
Prayer. This has been such a tremendous part of Joshua and my relationship right from the very beginning.
Anytime we didn’t know what to do or questioned God’s faithfulness through out all of my extreme health issues, we simply would stop and pray. Believe me, it wasn’t always easy…sometimes prayer came after anger and tears. But prayer makes all the difference.
Spontaneity. (Unplanned acts of LOVE.) Ask anyone…out of the two of us, I am the more spontaneous one and that’s totally okay. Something I love love love doing is surprising people. I love the look on ‘his’ face when I randomly show up at his house with a frozen lemonade “just because.” I love the quirky smile and wink that I see, when I send him a lovey dovey text across the room.
These are moments I will forever have etched in to my mind and heart. Keep the romance alive in your relationship with small surprises…hand written letters, random bouquets of flowers, yummy snacks to share, etc. Keep unplanned acts of love alive.
Thats all I have to share for now…stay tuned for Dating Well. (Part 2)
Until Next Time,