Written By: Rachel Hamm
Hey there! My name is Rachel Hamm, and I am blessed to have been asked by my dear friend Kerrington to do some writing for Uniquely Yours Ministries. Kerrington and I have been close friends for 14 years now, ever since I moved to Ontario. All through grade school and high school we were homeschooled, which meant home school co-op was where we grew close in our younger years. Long story short, all the way from being the little red heads at co-op, to this year, where I was honoured to have Kerrington as my maid of honour in my wedding, it has been such a wonderful blessing to grow up with this beautiful woman, and it is again an honour to hopefully be able to bless you in some way through her ministry.
So, as I mentioned before, I got married this past year, September 16th, 2017. It was such a beautiful day where I got to marry my childhood best friend and the love of my life…but more on that later.
When Kerrington asked me to write for this ministry, she asked me to write about relationships, specifically to those young ladies and women out there who are waiting for God’s perfect man for them, or those beginning a relationship! Let’s face it, relationships are hard work. So, I have decided to branch off of that even more, because to have a good relationship, we first need a firm foundation to build on, and what better foundation could we have than our heavenly Father’s word. Through these posts, we will be looking at some strong ladies from God’s word and their relationships, to see what kind of relationship we should be having.
So first, what is the definition of a relationship? Well, my dictionary states that a relationship is: “The state of being connected.” Such a simple definition to define such a big word. And the word connection, a strong word in itself. People can be connected as friends, coworkers, neighbors, even simply acquaintances. A better definition for a relationship is the Lord’s definition of the love between a husband and wife, or a seriously committed couple. That definition is found in Ephesians 5 verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for her.” This verse defines love in itself, Christ Jesus literally gave His life’s breath for His “bride,” the Church. Such a beautiful example of the ultimate love to begin. Obviously, the love between a husband and wife is based off of this love, but we as sinful humans could never achieve this kind of love without the help of the Lord Jesus Christ who gave us this example in the first place.
Now, to those who haven’t found someone yet, or for those just in the beginnings of a relationship, how do you know if this is the man for you? Sure, we can all catch a case of “feelings,” the butterflies in your stomach every time you see him, having a hard time talking to him because your afraid of saying something he will think is silly. These feelings are fine, and normal, but your feelings should NEVER be the deciding factor to start a serious relationship with someone. What should be the foundation of a strong Christian relationship?
The most important thing in any relationship is a mutual love for God, and the desire to have Him be first in everything in your life. Any relationship where both people do not have that desire, or one person does and the other doesn’t, is doomed from before it begins. And not to be a stick in the mud ladies, but be very careful what guys you attach yourself too. Looks and charm can reel you in so quickly, and there are men out there who can charm their way into your hearts and lives, and pretend to believe the same things you do, and love the same God you do. They will act like everything you hold dear in your heart as truth is also near to their heart, and they will go to Church with you and behave like Christian men. Only to never set foot in a Church again or pick up the Bible again after you are married and are committed to sharing a life with them. It is a miserable situation to be in, and I have seen it happen time and time again. Guard your hearts, and pray that God would lead you to the man of your dreams, one who loves and follows the Lord with all of his heart.
Another thing that is important in any relationship is mutual respect for each other and the clearly defined roles of a man and woman that God has set forth in His word. Ephesians 5 verses 22-24 says it best: “ Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the Church; and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
Now I realize the woman in every one of us is saying, “In EVERYTHING? I can’t have a say in anything in my life?”
First of all, that point of view is very wrong. We have an equal say in our relationships, and make decisions accordingly and by following God’s word. This verse is not saying that women have no say and can’t speak up about any decisions in their married life, It is saying that we are to have respect for our husbands and their decisions, and that way there will be a mutual respect between a husband and a wife. The husband will feel respected and the wife will feel like she is loved and a part of the decision making, and they both make decisions together.
Secondly, remember it’s not just the woman under authority. Men are under authority as the heads of the households. They answer to the Church and to God Himself. Husbands who commit to Christ create a happy home where respect and authority have reached a happy medium.
The last thing I want to touch on that makes a strong Christian relationship is honesty. Proverbs 10 verse 9 states: “Whoever walks in Integrity (honesty) walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” If you can’t trust the person you are in a relationship with, even in the little things, there is no way you will be able to sustain a lasting relationship with them. Plain and simple. Having an honest man and being honest yourself is very important.
There are other things that are essential to having a strong Christian relationship, and we will touch on a number of them throughout these posts so I will leave them until then.
I hope and pray that this will provide some insight to you as to what is required for a strong, Christian relationship. Thanks for reading and have a great day!