Category: Uncategorized

Guest-Writers

How the Church Hurt Me

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Written By: Varina Denman

Admittedly, I take the church for granted.  I’ve been at worship three times a week since birth, and I’ll be there till they wheel my casket up the aisle.  For me, the church is life.  It’s breath.  It’s nourishment.

But it’s also pain.  We’re always harder on those we love, and in my lifetime, I’ve seen way too many bad/sad/mad things happen among Christians.  I’ve seen believers ostracized for their sins, ridiculed for their weaknesses, and gossiped for everything under the sun.  All in the name of Christ.

And I’ve been hurt.

There was the time church work was pushed on my husband and me, even though our marriage was struggling.  There was the time a family member’s parenting skills were scrutinized because of the behaviour of their teenage child.  There was the time family members were ridiculed because of their convictions on social issues.

But it all started when I was much younger, at the age when I first became aware of my appearance.  Like most adolescent girls, I felt insecure in my skin, and I worried about make-up and clothing.  Boys began to figure into this concern, and I struggled to balance my need-to-be-noticed with the Christian values my parents had taught me.

Good girls wore this and not that.  Bad girls wore that and not this.  I thought I was getting it right, until one of the deacons looked at me from head to toe and made a disgusted face at my clothing or my make-up or my body … or me.

Yes, the church hurts.  And I include myself in that accusation.  I don’t always say or do—or even think—the right thing.  In fact, twenty-five years later as I walked into worship, I caught myself scrunching my nose at two teenage girls in short dresses, and I realized

Christians don’t always act like Christ.

But there’s a reason for that.  Duh.  We’re not Him.  We’re human, and we’re a mess.  As long as there are people in the church, there will be problems, but we’re trying.  It’s true we’re harder on those we love, but the fact is, we DO love.  We just love imperfectly.

The Lord’s church is all about forgiveness, and we give each other plenty of practice.  We hurt each other, we forgive each other, we love each other.  We strive to love like Christ, but not until we get to heaven, will we finally get it completely right.  And to tell you the truth, I’m looking forward to that day.

~Varina

About Varina:
VDenmanHeadshot

 

Varina writes stories about the unique struggles women face.  Her three-book Mended Hearts series, which revolves around church hurt, is a compelling blend of women’s fiction and inspirational romance.  A native Texan, Varina lives near Fort Worth with her husband and five mostly grown children.  Her passion is helping others make peace with their life situations.

 

Guest-Writers

Faith.

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Written By: Suzanne Vel
If I went through my journal I am sure I could find the exact date that it happened, but I’m guessing it was 3 to 4 months ago.  While sitting in church I made a life changing decision. I decided that I was sick and tired of being unsure in my faith.  Some days I could be so confident that what I believed was all true, and some days I would think back to the way I was raised to be an atheist and wonder if I was being foolish.  I told God in that moment, I’m all in.  I’ve decided from now on You are who you say you are.  You are real.  You are on my side, and I can fully put my confidence in You.
Immediately I felt a closer relationship begin with God that continues to today.
Due to this decision God has shown up abundantly in my life.
Previously I worried about having enough money in the bank to meet our needs.  Once I decided God was real and would never stop taking care of my family, I also stopped worrying about money.
Before I felt the need to explain myself in every misunderstanding.  Now that I believe God is fighting the battles for me I give them all to Him.  I literally have a constant stream of prayer in my head saying Lord explain to this person what I meant.  Lord defend me if it is your will to do so.
Before deciding to be all in with my faith I really didn’t understand what it meant to have a body, soul, and spirit.  Then one morning in my quiet time God explained the concept to me.  I shared what I learned with my husband Randy and his comment was that from now on I would read the bible completely differently.  That the knowledge of body, soul, spirit would change my understanding of my faith.  Randy was correct.  I hear a song singing about my soul or read a verse in the Bible and I get it on a much deeper level.
I cannot even begin to list all of the positive changes this decision to be fully committed to my faith has made in my life.  God is welcomed in my heart and He keeps showing up.  He is pouring blessings on us to the point of it being overwhelming.  He is telling us to enjoy life, and enjoy our family.  He is telling me to share boldly what I have learned so that others will want it for themselves too.  He is Real.
BIO:
FullSizeRenderSuzanne is a wife mother and believer in Christ.  She has a passion and dedication to anything she puts her heart to; from early morning quiet times with God to training for five full marathons.  She learned about God on her second date with her future husband, Randy, when she was 22 years old.  She grew in her faith continually, but it wasn’t until she learned why she really wanted to know God as her personal friend and confidant that she found out what it truly means to have faith in the one true King.  Suzanne’s goal now is to show others how to find their why so that their lives can be as dramatically changed as hers was on August 11, 2014. Please check out her book on Amazon, To Show His Love: Fellowship with God Changes Everything –To Show His Love: Fellowship with God Changes Everything (on Amazon)
Guest-Writers, {Life}

{Life} I Told a White Lie

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Written By: 

I told a white lie. I was on a mission and no one would suffer harm. I claimed grace.

She had been admitted earlier in the day and it was after visiting hours. It was the only way to get past the guarded receptionist in the emergency room. So without any hesitation, I lied through my teeth. “I’m her daughter.”

Up the elevators we went, my hubby and I, on a mission. Her actual daughter, my friend, was three thousand miles away and this was a reconnaissance operation.  We were going to be her eyes and ears on the ground, in the zone. Her momma was in the hospital and I was gathering information in order to give my report.

Knowing that sweet Agnes suffered memory loss, we were a little apprehensive as we quietly approached her room. I was also a little anxious because, you know, I lied. Someone was bound to be on to my little charade, and I was sure that the truth would be exposed and someone would stop us at any moment and proclaim “You are NOT the daughter!”

Her eyelids fluttered open as we entered her quiet darkened room. Her beautiful white hair framed her face; her skin was like peaches and cream; she literally glowed with a joy I can’t explain –it was an innocence and sweetness that was childlike. She was lovely even with a hospital blanket tucked under her chin.

In the dim light she recognized us immediately. I’m sure it helped that my hubby “that one that smells good” smelled good as always. She was delighted to see us, and seemed a bit confused as to why she was in that place and not with her precious Tom.

We spoke briefly, assuring her that her beloved would return in the morning; I confessed my lie to her and we giggled. She honored me with the proclamation that she would happily claim me as one of her girls.

With her lovely southern charm, she thanked us for our visit and we were gone.  It was August 4th, my daddy’s birthday.  It was a sweet coincidence; and it was the last time I got to love on her.

On August 13th the message I didn’t expect arrived with a jolt. “Mom passed away this morning.”

Suddenly, the August 4th mission, that quick pop-in at the hospital was promoted. Every sight and sound of that evening rushed back and I held them close. It was as if I turned each over in my hand like a gem, examining and memorizing the details. They were precious.

Certainly her story belongs first to her family; her husband, her daughters, her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I am only one of many who loved this beautiful woman. But these memories are mine.

The glorious truth is that almost every day we are handed golden tickets…opportunities to be cast in the stories of life unfolding all around. The casting call is open and we are invited to fill the roles in the epic stories written by God himself.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send?
And who will go for us? “And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
Isaiah 6:8 NIV.

lorraine3

Guest-Writers, {Faith}

{Faith} A Prayer for the Days Everything Is Falling Apart…

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Written By: Teri Lynne Underwood

The past few months have been full of hard days.  More often than not my prayer has simply been, “Help me, Lord!” Maybe you have been in one of those hard seasons too?  Maybe if feels like everything is falling apart?  Maybe all the dreams and plans you had for your life seem to be crumbling around you?  Maybe you are tired and weary?  Oh friend, I get it!  I’m there with you.  And this is a prayer for days like today, when it just seems as though everything is falling apart  . . . 

Lord, it feels like everything is falling apart around me.  I’m barely hanging on, Lord.

My heart is aching today . . . 

For hospital beds in living rooms and prayers for a peaceful passing from this world to Your arms.

For girls who long to be loved and look everywhere but You, the only True Love, for sick little girls who just want to feel better, for mommas who ache to make it all go away.

For choices made in the dark and broken hearts when all things come to light.

For all the unspoken needs, hidden deep within our hearts.  For all the desperate pray-ers, calling out for You to be near.  For all the aching hearts, longing for hope and peace in the middle of the storm.  For all the weary ones, waiting for the next piece of heartbreaking news to come.

My heart is aching today, Lord.  Help me remember Yours is too . . . and even more.  Remind me, Lord, that You are good—no matter what.

You are comfort for the aching.  You are healing for the hurting.  You are hope for the desperate.  You are not surprised or shaken.  And You are in control.

You capture my tears and hide me under Your wing.  You are my refuge, my strength, my strong tower.

You are good.  You are here.  And I am Yours.

In Jesus’ name.

 Amen.

{This post was originally published on Teri Lynne’s blog in March 2016.}

Teri Lynne Underwood is a Word lover and idea slinger. She’s been married to Scott for 20 years and they are both trying to figure out how their baby girl is already 16.

Teri Lynne is passionate about encouraging and equipping busy women to live well. She is the founder of Prayers for Girls, a thriving community of girl moms who are committed to praying God’s Word for their daughters.

Guest-Writers

10 Ways Smartphones are the Adult Version of Invisible Friends

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Written By: Bethany McIlrath

 

Remember when you were five and had an invisible friend? It’s pretty normal, with an estimated 37% of kids hanging out with friends that don’t exist. For a lot of kids, invisible friends are used for companionship and connection.  

If you think about it, a lot of adults use their smartphones in a similar way.

For example, your phone:

  1. Goes Everywhere With You

Forget shame, you know that you aren’t the only person who brings your phone everywhere. Whether it’s to the toilet, to bed, or to social occasions, you just can’t go without the precious device.

  1. Plays Games With You

Artificial intelligence allows you to play games with your phone as if it has its own mind and will. Don’t lie…you have definitely chosen to play with your phone over going out, completing chores, or socializing. What’s your favorite game app?

  1. Knows Everything About Everyone Else in Your Life

It knows your every contact. It hears your secrets, listens in on private conversations, and stores all sorts of info about the people you love. Your phone, like an invisible friend, is a trustworthy confidant and is privy to just about everything.

  1. Is Constantly Used as an Excuse

Sometimes kids blame their invisible companions for spilling stuff or forcing them into bad behavior. Your phone can be just as good an excuse. Like, for example, when you pretend to have a text or a call so that you can get out of a conversation.

  1. Is For Your Eyes Only

There’s a password on your phone for a reason. Other people are welcome to know that your phone exists, but it’s yours and no one else needs to interact with it.

  1. Has a Very Distinct Look

Kids are often adamant about the way their invisible friends look. You’re probably the same way about your phone. From buying a special case to selecting your back ground picture to describing the exact model to others, you care about your phone’s appearances.

  1. Is Well Protected

Sure, it’s replaceable and everything stored in your phone is probably also accessible online. But that doesn’t mean you don’t guard it with your life and freak out when it cracks.

  1. Keeps You Company Among Strangers

When you were five and all your cousins ignored you, invisible Timmy kept you company. Now, you pretend to text or you clean up your settings to avoid contact or to keep you from feeling bored and alone when you’re out.

  1. Is Not Everything

For as much as you love your phone, you know that when it comes down to it, actual human connection is more important. If you have to go a day or two without your phone, you’ll survive and might even feel relieved.

  1. …Can Become an Idol

Psychologists suggest that invisible friends aren’t harmful as long kids don’t confuse the realities of actual friendship with the designs of their minds. This is especially the case when kids let their invisible friends run their little lives.

If your phone functions a lot like an invisible friend, you have to be careful to keep it from becoming more of an idol or master. Phones are a useful tool, but they are just that –a tool.

It’s not like using your phone is a sin, but be sure to examine your heart as you use it day in and day out. Your phone can go from being a helpful device to a resource mastering your time and connections –and at that point, it’s time for a reality check.  

~ Bethany

About Bethany:
photoA learner at heart, Bethany McIlrath believes that listening to the Lord’s Word and being attentive to all that He teaches her through daily life is a priceless blessing. Eager to share about her Savior, you can find Bethany’s writing on her blog: Firstandsecondblog.wordpress.com. She would love to connect with you on Twitter or Facebook as well.

 

Guest-Writers

{Women in Ministry} To You, The Wo

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Written By: Cristina Myers

A woman in ministry.  What does that even look like?  I know what I thought it was supposed to look like.  And let me tell you this, when ministry found me I was in for a rude awakening.  Yes, funny how that happens.  When I surrendered my life to Jesus I had a very skewed, or maybe romanticized, view of what ministry was.  You see, my whole life I loved children.  I loved watching them, taking care of them, and playing with them.  I even worked as a preschool teacher when I was in college.  I love, love, loved it!  You get the idea, right?  

So naturally, when it came time to serve the Lord I assumed that’s where He would call me to serve Him.  I put on my rose coloured glasses and my first attempt at ministry was a stint in the church’s children’s ministry.  Though it was fine and fun, I never felt that children’s ministry was what the Lord had for me. Then one day, our youth pastor got on stage and talked about the need for volunteers on Monday nights and I eagerly decided to serve with the youth group.  I was leading a small group of high school girls and I loved it.  The Lord started preparing me for what would be my true calling and life mission through this season.  Each week as I met with these girls, they would shape me as much as I shaped them.  I was getting close, oh so close, but still when that season of serving was over I felt no loss or longing, just a sense of mission accomplished.

So I continued to seek the Lord.  I grew in my faith.  I had no expectations or aspirations to pursue ‘formal” ministry.  This was probably because I was not raised knowing anything about ministry.  To be totally and honest I had never even heard of the word ministry until I started attending the inter-denominational church where I met and fell in love with the Lord at.  Oh but soon I would learn.  I would learn quickly and abruptly that there was a line drawn in the sand when it came to women and ministry.

You were either in or you were out.

“Say what?!” you ask.  I know, I know … I was a little confused too.  So let me back up a minute and give you the background info.  How can someone go from never even fully understanding what ministry was to feeling totally unqualified, excluded, and shunned from what I now call the Sorority of “Women in Ministry”.

It all started innocently enough, with a Facebook post.  Like most modern day dramas, it all started with Facebook.  I remember the day so clearly, that as I sit and type this I realize that my heart must still hurt over this.  That there’s more healing that must need to take place.  But I’m rambling, so let me get back to my story.  I was scrolling down my news feed and a friend of mine (a pastor’s wife, lovely both inside and out) posted about an upcoming conference; she shared the details with the link.  I can’t remember who the main speaker was at the time, but I do remember that it was a speaker I had told my other friend about.  I was excited to share with my friend just to say, “Hey, this is that lady I told you about”.  So without thinking twice, I tagged my friend in the comments with a note along the lines of, “so and so, check this out”.  I proceeded to log off of Facebook and go on with my day.  When I did this I didn’t think anything of it or the other women that might have been tagged in the post.  Nor did I notice who was hosting the event.  All of that was irrelevant to me because like I said earlier, I was just pointing out something to my friend, kind of like how I would point out a car, handbag, or beautiful house I like with no actual intention of buying it.  No foul, no harm. Right?

Wrong.

Oh boy was I wrong.  Little did I know I was about to be schooled in the Sorority of “Women in Ministry”.  Later that evening I saw the red dot of suspense, I mean the notification dot.  Facebook so kindly informed me that a prominent woman in ministry in my community had tagged me in a comment.  I was curious to see what she had tagged me in, as we weren’t close but I admired her greatly.  And then came the burn.  She had pointed out very publicly and pointedly (remember she tagged me with my first and last name) that the event I had commented on was ONLY for pastor’s wives and “women in ministry”.  Ouch.

I was confused, mad (fuming actually), and hurt.  I had no clap back.  All I had was the feeling of being sucker punched and the conversation in my head that went something like this:

  1. Who are you to say I’m not a woman in ministry?
  2. I didn’t know there was a special club for these “special women” and the rest of us    were not invited.
  3. If my place in the caste system was so low that I’m not even allowed to comment      on a post, why would I want to do ministry anyway?
  4. I didn’t want to go to your stupid event anyway!!!!

These four thoughts went in and out, up and down, and around my head for hours, maybe even days.  Then I realized something, my anger was just masking the very real and raw emotion that I didn’t want to face, REJECTION.  I had come from a community of believers that were accepting and loved and celebrated me just as I was.  A community where I didn’t even realize that what I was doing was “ministry”.  I just wanted to serve the Lord and the church gave me the opportunity.  Other than passing a background check to be able to work with kids and youth, nothing else was required of me.  But now…now I found myself wading in unknown waters.  I never in a million years would have thought that the Body of Christ would be so exclusive, elitist, and clique-y.  

So what was I to do?  How was I to reconcile this rejection with my heart’s desire of serving the Lord?  More importantly, how would the passion I had to help women discover their true identity in Christ, be affected by this?  How when it was the same women who I thought were on my team were the ones to reject me?  But God.

God.  G-O-D.  My Father, My Redeemer, My Healer, My Vindicator, My Hero, and My Everything.  He was so good to me.  If He loved me, and I knew He did, I could face anything.  I could move past this rejection.  He could heal the wounds from that painful sting and use that very wound to start a fire in my soul.  You see, instead of allowing that seed of rejection grow and fester into bitterness, He changed my heart.  He gave me grace.  Grace for me and grace for those who never realized they had hurt me.  And that fire that began to burn that day was the fire that fuels the passion for my life ministry, helping women know their identity in Christ so that they may live the purpose and call God has for their lives.  I learned something so vital and so essential from the moment of that pivotal Facebook post:

Ministry is not something that you do.  Ministry is not something that you are in.  Ministry is a way of life.

You, beautiful woman of God, child of the Most High King, have been called to a life of service, a life consecrated unto Him, a life of ministry.  What does that look like?  It’s not Wednesday morning Bible Study, it’s not greeting at the church, serving in the kid’s ministry, attending conferences, writing a blog, speaking, preaching, or singing on a stage.  I mean it can be all these things but sweet sister, it is SO MUCH MORE.

It’s the way you smile at the new girl who just walked into church for the first time, it’s staying up late to help your husband study for his Board Exams, it’s feeding the homeless, it’s taking your daughter shopping or drying her tears after her first heartbreak, it’s praying for your coworker who doesn’t know the Lord, it’s giving a check to the family in your community who just lost it all, it’s loving on the unlovable, and sometimes it’s just making it through the day when you think you can’t go on.

We are not part of the Sorority of “Women in Ministry”.  We are the community of women living our ministries.

The other night, I was on Facebook and I felt the Holy Spirit wanting me to share on the topic of ministry.  If I can leave you with one thought on ministry it would be this:

As I sit here I reflect on this thing we call “ministry”.  Man, this is totally not what I signed up for.  It’s harder, messier, more complicated, and absurd than I could ever imagine.

It’s also the most beautiful display and dance of God’s love I’ve ever seen in action.  So now what?  So now I dance.  I dance in the sunshine.  I dance in the rain.  I dance in the storms.  When I’m drowning I give in and dance in the water until He gently and so gracefully lifts me up.  I float and bask in His presence until he gently brings me to shore.  And then?  And then, my friends I get up and dance again.  But this time I find someone to dance with, someone who hasn’t heard a song in a very long time, the one who needs to dance the pounding of the heartbeat God has placed in the core of their being.  And then we dance and dance some more.  We bring others along with us as the love of the Father shines down on us all.  And this, this is the beautiful imagery of ministry in action.

It’s not about a 501c(3).  It’s not about a building.  It’s not about a board of directors or trustees.  It’s about relationship.  It’s about love.  Our relationship with our Father overwhelming us to the brink so that nothing but love can pour out to those around us.  It can be your family.  It can be your workplace.  It might be your sick husband or the mother in law you think you hate.  It’s the smile to the stranger.  The sandwich to the homeless man lying filthy on the street.  It can be all of this and so much more.  It is all of this and nothing less.

Do not despise where you are at.  Do not crave position.  Do not orchestrate a platform.  Just be.  Receive.  Dance.  Love.

This is ministry my friends.  Nothing more and nothing less.

Don’t love to be loved.  Love because you are loved.

It’s messy, it’s rewarding, it’s complicated, and sweet.  It’s not a club, sorority, or clique.  It’s me and it’s you.  Don’t give up.  Keep on truckin’.  Keep on keepin’ on.  You are worth it.  You are called.  The world needs you because the world needs more women living in ministry, not just “women in ministry”.

Much Love,
Cristina

About Cristina:

Cristina Myers is a mother, sister, wife, sometimes a hot mess, Texas transplant, Oxford comma loving, daughter of the Most High King. Originally from the tropical of Puerto Rico, she now calls the beautiful Texas Hill Country home. With copious amounts of Starbucks as fuel, Cristina tries to balance working outside of the home, chasing a toddler, and spreading the passion for prayer though WNOPtribe ministries. She’s passionate about helping women discover their true identity in Christ so they can walk in their purpose and calling.

Guest-Writers, {Worth}

{Worth} Mirror Mirror on the Wall Who’s the Fairest of Them All….

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Written By: Jessica Van Roekel
The face looking back at me runs through the litany of comments….
fat
ugly
selfish
prideful
wounded
graceless
blunt
tactless
opinionated
dominating
controlling
manipulative
jealous
Mirror mirror on the wall….you are a liar.  Or maybe I am the one with the warped perceptions of myself.
I have seen the truth of these words in myself, but also within these words I have seen the lies.
The reality is that I can be domineering.  I can be controlling.  I can be ugly.  I am wounded.  I have wounded.  I can be graceless.  I can be blunt.
But the truth is that my wounds can be used for God’s glory.  The truth is that when I wound, I can experience the beautiful gift of forgiveness.  The truth is when I am domineering I have the opportunity to submit to the control of my holy, loving, gracious God.  The truth is that all the parts of who I am–the good, the bad and the ugly– are all a part of me.  And who am I to reject what I see in the mirror?  Rather than rejecting the ‘less than’ part of myself what if I were to offer those parts of me up to Jesus and surrender to whatever He wants to do to turn those weaknesses into a strength.
Don’t misunderstand me.  I am not giving myself license to be the worst side of me, I am giving myself grace to grow into the best side of me and that side is only found in Jesus Christ.  If I am going to grow, then I can expect failures.  But failures are not a sign that I failed per se, they become an opportunity to grow in a specific tangible way.
Only in Him can we be our best and if we detect patterns of thought that produce our worst, but don’t hold them up to Him like a child holding up a broken toy and saying, ’fix,’ then I am not submitting to whatever He wants to do to turn those weaknesses or those failures into strengths.
The truth within these words is that there is redemption through Jesus Christ.
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all….
forgiven one
chosen one
loved one
approved
appointed
 anointed
royalty
joy filled
saved
full of grace
covered in grace
What does your mirror say?  Maybe you are like me and list off words that tear yourself down.  If I could encourage you to offer all that you are to the one who loves you with an unending love, you will begin to see yourself redeemed.  And when you begin to see yourself redeemed, you will begin to live like you are redeemed.  Join me?
©Jessica Van Roekel 2016
Jessica Van Roekel is a woman on the journey to wholeness through brokenness. She believes that through Christ our personal histories don’t have to define our present or determine our future. Her greatest desire is to see people live this ‘God-life’ with all the power and grace that God provides. Jessica lives in a rural community with her husband and four children. She leads worship on Sundays, but seeks to be a worshiper every day. You can connect with her at www.welcomegrace.com
Guest-Writers, {Love}

{Love} 10 Tips for a Stronger Marriage

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Written By: Christine Leeb

In 2009, my marriage almost ended in divorce.  I was done.  It was over.  We’re talking bags-packed-divorce lawyers-called-I-can’t-take-this-anymore over!  But God had other plans for us and called us both to fight for our marriage and for the son He had just blessed us with.  Through much counselling, many tears, lots of yelling, huge doubts if we were doing the right thing, we moved forward.  We moved past the hurt.  We forgave.  We found love and respect and hope again.  It wasn’t easy, but we learned that our marriage wasn’t what God wanted it to be and we had to make some changes in how we were treating our marriage, in how we were treating each other, and in how we were treating ourselves.

Now, we are stronger than we’ve ever been, and have grown so much closer because of our struggles.

Here are 10 tips we learned along the way to make our marriage more healthy and strong…

  1. Put God at the centre of your marriage.  Even though my husband and I have different religions, we still chose to cover our marriage in prayer in our own way.  And that is the most powerful thing you can for your marriage.  Pray.  Pray.  And pray some more.
  2. Grow together.  Be willing to learn from each other.  Be willing to change.  Be willing to give grace to each other’s weaknesses and build on each other’s strengths.
  3. Communicate.  Find out how you both communicate best.  My husband and I learned that when we had something difficult to talk about, we were able to communicate much better by writing letters back and forth.  That way, there were no interruptions, no getting angry, no yelling.  You get everything out that you want to say and so does the other person.  Be intentional about touching base every week to communicate and see how the other person is doing.  My husband and I set aside 15 minutes every Sunday for a Sunday Night Chat to talk about anything and everything that we need to talk about.
  4. It is not your job to make each other happy.  It’s not your job to make the other person happy, but it is your job to love them the way they need to be loved.  Learning each other’s Love Language was the most powerful thing my husband and I have discovered about each other.  Finding out what makes the other person feel loved is a wonderful way to live your life, because then you can be more intentional about spending time together (Quality Time), or buying thoughtful presents (Gifts), or being more encouraging (Words of Affirmation), or being more affectionate and making more of an effort to connect sexually (Physical Touch), or helping out more around the house (Acts of Service).  Learn how to speak your spouse’s love language and work towards a love and respect that honours both of you.  Happiness isn’t your goal.  Love is.
  5. Laugh together.  Find the humour in little things.  Find more things to laugh about than to yell about.  After having three kids, we have learned to laugh at the chaos that surrounds us.  We’ve learned to look at each other from across of the room of fit-throwing and laundry-folding and shrug our shoulders and laugh because what else can we do?  Laugh at life.  Laugh at mistakes.  Laugh at the silliness.  Laugh at the mess.
  6. Be honest.  Even if it’s not what the other person wants to hear, tell the truth.  Your spouse deserves the truth.  Again, it always helps my husband and I to write it out first before we actually talk face to face about something difficult.  Be assertive.  Be kind and loving and encouraging as much as possible.
  7. Don’t let the little things turn into big things.  If something is bothering you, talk about it before it turns into something you get angry about or resentful about.  That’s the beauty of the Sunday Night Chat.  It’s a safe time to share things that are on your mind in a kind and respectful way. But also remember that sometimes, some things just don’t need to be said.  Pray for wisdom in that too.
  8. Always be on each other’s side.  Even if you don’t always agree with each other, be there to support each other.  Be on each other’s team.  It’s okay to disagree, but always try to see the other person’s side…see things from their perspective…and show understanding and grace.
  9. Admit when you’re wrong.  More importantly, tell your spouse when he’s/she’s right (even though it doesn’t happen that he’s right very often…hehe.)  It’s so freeing to say “You’re right.” Or even the dreaded “I was wrong.”  Don’t waste too much of your precious time in this life worrying about the exact details of who was right and who was wrong.  Spend more time figuring out solutions together and moving on!
  10. Find something you both enjoy doing together.  My husband did a great job in getting me involved in watching basketball with him by taking me out to a Sport’s Bar for dinner so we could spend “quality time together”.  Now, I love watching basketball with him.  It was a genius plan.  So whether it’s a sport you watch or play together, a TV series you make fun of together…whether you enjoy cooking together, creating together, designing together, gardening together…find something you can do together!

And always remember to be silly and have fun together!  Life’s too short not to.

CHRISTINE LEEB is known as The Real Mom. She is a speaker, writer, Christian Life Coach, and the founder of 4Real Moms—an organization encouraging moms to be real while helping them be the best moms God created them to be. She has 3 beautiful (and exhausting) children and has been married to her husband, Brad, for almost 16 wonderful (and challenging) years.  She enjoys garage sale-ing, brownie eating, friendship keeping, book reading, family tickling, and husband dating.

Christine is the author of the devotional In His Light: Facing Fear with Faith and loves to challenge women to love their husbands like a boyfriend again in a 14-Day Challenge.  For more encouragement and resources, visit her website at http://www.4realmoms.com.

Guest-Writers, {Life}

{Life} The Broken Lamp

UYM

Written By:  Kate Motaung

He’d been in our home for a week.  We had a three-and-a-half year-old girl and an eighteen month-old boy when we added to our family through adoption.  My husband’s orphaned cousin was almost seven when he came to live with us.

Becoming the mom of a six-year-old was a steep learning curve, to say the least.  I’m talking sink or swim.

A week in, and he was bouncing a beach ball in the living room.  I did a quick visual scan of the room and a quicker mental calculation, and wagered that the beach ball wasn’t a major source of concern.  After all, there was really only one breakable thing within range: an ostrich egg lamp with Africa etched into the shell.  My mom bought it for me when she visited Cape Town for my 21st birthday, and I loved it.

It should be fine, I reasoned.  Besides, even if it gets knocked, ostrich eggs are hardy.  It’s a beach ball.  The lamp’ll be fine.

Crash.

Broken lamp.

Large pieces of ostrich egg shell decorated the carpet.

In that split second, the weight of my upcoming reaction flashed before me in full colour.  I was keenly aware that I had a choice, and my decision could have lasting implications.

The way I saw it, I had two options:

1) Get upset about the lamp, rant about how valuable it was to me, and make sure everyone knew how disappointed I was that it was broken; or

2) Share my disappointment in a reasonable, gentle tone, then shake it off as “no big deal,” because it’s just a lamp.  Besides, I hadn’t even told my son to stop bouncing the ball.

I’ve shared this before, but I’ll say it again: In our house, I strive to keep material goods in a healthy perspective.  In the big picture, if things get damaged and people are upset, I usually say, “I’m sorry that you’re disappointed. I would be, too.  But .. let’s try to remember that we can’t take it to heaven with us anyway.”

This particular incident, when the beach ball met the ostrich lamp, was a keen teaching moment in our home.  Whether I intended it or not, all three of my kids were learning by watching my reaction.  I’m thankful to report that the Lord really helped in those moments, and enabled me to diminish my disappointment.  He helped me show my kids that worldly possessions are only temporary.  They’re not eternal.

My kids’ souls, on the other hand, are eternal.

It was our new son’s first week in our home, and he soaked everything up like a sponge.  If I’d reacted in anger as soon as the lamp hit the floor, he would’ve soaked up the message that things are more important than people.  He would’ve filed away the unspoken assumption that I loved the lamp more than I loved him.

Looking back, I’m so grateful that God guided me through this pivotal parenting moment.  Six years later, when similar situations rise to the surface, I still think back to that day and use the mental notes as a guideline.  Obviously I don’t always get it right, but this memory often floats to the forefront of my mind and helps me keep my priorities straight.

What memorable, teachable parenting moments have you experienced, and what did you learn from them?

 Kate Motaung grew up on the shores of Lake Michigan before spending ten years in Cape Town, South Africa.  She is married to a South African and together they have three children.  Kate is the author of the e-book, Letters to Grief, hosts the Five Minute Friday blog link-up, and has contributed to several other online publications.  She blogs at Heading Home and can be found on Twitter @k8motaung.  Kate’s memoir is scheduled to release through Discovery House in 2017.

Guest-Writers, {Faith}

{Faith} Why Didn’t They Choose Me…

UYM

Written By: Kelly Basham

Have you ever felt left out?  Unappreciated?  Forgotten?

Disappointment crept in as I read the message from my friend.  There was a new project getting ready to start at church.  I longed to be a part of this project and I desperately hoped they would ask me to help.  When my friend shared she had been asked to help instead, I was heart-broken.

I didn’t understand why I wasn’t chosen to help.  Was I not good enough?  Did they not like me?  Did they think I wouldn’t be able to handle it?  Or worse, what if they didn’t even consider me for the position at all?

As I pondered all of the reasons why I might not have been chosen, the wheels of negativity started spinning in my head.  My thoughts were driving my emotions over the edge fast.  If I didn’t get them under control I was going to end up taking a wrong turn down Angry Lane.  What I needed to do was get directions.

When unsure of which way to go, it’s wise to stop and ask for directions.

It’s easy to get lost in our emotions when things don’t go the way we want them to.  When I wasn’t chosen to help I felt like unfriending my friend and never going back to church again.  That may seem extreme, but in the heat of the moment it’s exactly what I felt like doing.

If the enemy sees us in an emotionally vulnerable state of mind he will pounce without warning.

While I was busy worrying why I wasn’t chosen, the enemy was busy whispering his lies.  He loves to make us think we aren’t good enough, strong enough, or worthy enough.  And he would have loved nothing more than to have seen me isolate myself from my friend and my church.  Thankfully it didn’t come to that.

It’s important to seek God’s truth in every situation.

In Lysa TerKeurst’s book Unglued she says, “Feelings should be indicators, not dictators.” We don’t have to let our emotions control us.  We can choose to seek God’s wisdom.  All we have to do is ask.  James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

When I brought my disappointed, hurt, emotional heart to the Lord, He was quick to remind me that He has a plan and a purpose for me (Jeremiah 29:11).  It may not look the way I expect it to, but it’s a good plan and it’s better than anything I could ever come up with on my own (Isaiah 55:8).  I may not ever know exactly why I wasn’t chosen to help with that particular project, but I can trust His wisdom on the matter. (Proverbs 3:5-6).

God always has a good reason for everything He does.

I’ve been looked over, not chosen, and told “No” dozens of times over the years.  But not without good reason.  God always has our best interest at heart.  Here are a few things to consider:

1. Maybe you’re not ready.  God knows us better than we know ourselves.  He won’t release us to take on something new until we are mentally and spiritually ready.  If we aren’t ready we may crumble under the pressure of the role.

2. God has something else for you to do.  God can see things we can’t.  There may be something down the road he wants us to do.  If we were to take on this role we probably wouldn’t be able to do the other one.

3. It may not be the right time.  God’s timing is always perfect.  This may not be the right time to take on a new role for us or our family.  It may add unnecessary stress to our life, preventing us from giving everything the attention it deserves.

4. It would have hindered you from using your gifts.  God knows where our gifts will bring Him the most glory.  He wants us in roles that utilize our gifts.  If we’re in a role that stifles our gifts we won’t be able to serve Him to the best of our ability.

Chances are, you have experienced something similar.  Maybe you weren’t picked to be the “room mom” for your child’s class or perhaps you didn’t get the promotion you were hoping for.  Whatever it was you weren’t chosen for, remember that God has a good and perfect reason. You may not ever know the “Why”, but you can trust it was for your protection.

Growing Deeper:

Do you struggle with trusting that God has a plan and purpose for your life?

Read Jeremiah 29:11  God does have a purpose and plan for you.  And it’s a good one!

Read Psalm 121:7  How does it make you feel knowing that God watches over you and protects you?  We can put our trust in the Lord.  Even when it doesn’t feel like it, He is always watching over us.

Let’s Pray:

Lord, I thank You for Your wisdom and protection on my life.  I ask that You guide my steps as I make my way through this world.  Your Word tells me that You give wisdom to those who ask for it (James 1:5).  Help me to remember to seek Your wisdom when my emotions start to get out of control.  Your word says that You have a plan and a purpose for my life (Jeremiah 29:11).  Help me to walk in this truth when things don’t go the way I want them to.  In Jesus name I pray Amen!

Join The Conversation:

Have you ever gotten a “no” about something you wanted to do and later realized it was actually Gods protection?

Meet Kelly Basham

Kelly is passionate about pointing others to the nourishing truth and wisdom found in God’s word. She hopes to encourage and inspire women to blossom as they study, meditate, and reflect on God’s word. Kelly lives in the

Nashville, TN area with her husband Brandon, their two children, and a very quirky little dog named Velvet. Connect with Kelly at Blossom In Faith to read more and to download her new Petals of Wisdom Coloring Journal.