Category: Uncategorized

Written By: Luisa Parish

Good friends of ours recently accepted their first pastoral position at a local church a few hours away.  My husband and I were thrilled for them!  So, being a seasoned veteran (and I use that term intentionally as you will see!), I decided it would be good to share some advice with my friend as she officially becomes a pastor’s wife.

I thought back over the past decade or so in ministry – three churches, three hometowns, and now three children later.  Each ministry position and church had its own challenges and blessings, and I have struggled a great deal at times.  It’s not always easy, but there have been some points of wisdom placed into my life along the way…

When we first started in ministry, my husband was the youth pastor of a small church in Southwestern Ontario.  We were just married and were beginning a life together.  It was an amazing season!  We watched dozens of community kids walk through the doors and find healing in Jesus Christ.  I watched some incredible transformations that could only come from Christ alone.  Besides my full time job I spent so much time working beside my husband in ministry.  I was a youth leader, sang on the worship team and had regular coffee and dinner dates with some of the teen girls who attended regularly.  As a valuable bonus, we were living only about 20 minutes away from both of our families.  I loved everything about it!

In May 2011 we received some life changing news.  While at a youth conference my husband and I both felt God telling us that our time at that church was coming to a close and it was time to step aside and let someone else take over.  We loved this group but trusted that God saw the bigger picture and knew what he was doing.

It was shortly after this time that we found out we were pregnant with our first child.  We were beyond thrilled but knew things were going to be different from here on out.

A few months later my husband accepted a job as the Associate Pastor at a church in Sudbury Ontario.  Eight hours away from home!  I was six months pregnant when we made the move.  The first few months went by well as we became accustomed to a new city, a new family dynamic, and a new ministry.

Part of my husband’s job was to oversee the youth ministry. Naturally I assumed I would resume the role I had from the previous church, however, due to my new role as a mother I also knew that I couldn’t commit to that role as fully as before. I helped out as much as I could before the baby was born, but had a harder time connecting with the youth and soon had no hands on part in that ministry at all.

About three months into this new season our daughter was born and life changed.  Immediately I was having a hard time balancing the role of wife, mother, and Pastor’s wife.  I admit that at times I would even call my mom crying and asking her to come and rescue me!

We lived in Sudbury for almost four years.  And I would be lying if I said I figured out how to balance it all before we left.  It was a personal struggle much of the time I was there.  I had a hard time connecting with people, getting involved in the church and learning how to raise not 1 but 2 young children.  I was so caught up in my own stresses and frustrations that I didn’t always see my husband struggling.  After all, it was a different church then our last and carried with it many new challenges.  There were times when I felt like I was more of a hindrance then a help to him.  I depended so much on him and demanded even more.  I expected a lot from the people around me and yet was still unsatisfied and frustrated.  But God speaks to us when we need Him the most and He often speaks during the frustrations of life.  This was one of those times for me…

I remember sitting in a small group meeting when a friend said to me, “You have to stop relying on people to be your foundation.  You need to trust and depend on Christ.  People, on their own, will often fail you.  You will stay in this rut until you look up and get your strength from Jesus and him alone.”

I’ll never forget that. I must admit I haven’t always lived out that advice.  I still struggled to shake off unnecessary expectations – both from myself and from others.  Many days I struggled to simply maintain sanity in a life devoted to serving people and serving my family at home.  God’s word, not man’s becomes the foundation I have learned to depend on, though, as we walk onward together.  

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  The writer goes on to explain that there are times to plant and to uproot (v.2), to tear down and to build (v. 3), to weep and to laugh (v. 4), and even a time for war and a time for peace (v. 8).  I wonder if that is a missing piece to many of our lives – including those in ministry.  I wonder how often we try to become everything to everyone at all times.  I think it is wise to ask God regularly, “Lord, what season is it right now?  And how can I fulfill your ministry in this time and place?”  Perhaps our greatest peace will come when we learn the times and seasons of the Lord and of our life.

I had to accept that there are seasons in life.  When we had no children I was able to invest so much into our ministry.  But now the seasons change, and we have two, (soon to be 3), children under the age of 5 in my house.  Naturally my ministry will change.  Sure it looks different then before but it’s just as effective, as long as I trust and am obedient to what God is calling me to.  Stop putting expectations on myself, and others.  To instead constantly asking God to give me the strength and wisdom to minister where he wants me to be.

Have I mastered it?  Not even close, I still fail regularly. But know that one day I will get it right, as long as I am constantly relying on Him wherever and whenever He calls me.

~Luisa

About Luisa:

Luisa Parish is a wife, daughter, sister, friend and soon to be a mother of three!  She has been married to her husband Corey for almost 7 years!  Corey is the Associate Pastor at Central Pentecostal Church in Fergus Ontario.  Luisa is a stay at home mom with their two gorgeous children and expecting baby #3 mid may!  She loves to sing, read and play made up games with her kids.  She also loves to bake and eat lots of junk food, all different kinds she isn’t biased  😉  She is a work in progress and loves to watch God at work in her life and the lives of those around her!

Written By: Michelle Slauenwhite

When I was in my late teenage years, there was a thought that would continually drop into my mind…“What has God called me to do?”  It plagued my mind, in some ways, as I faced educational decisions, employment opportunities and volunteer positions.  In some moments, I felt paralyzed by the weight of that thought.  I did not want to move to the right, or to the left, so to speak, without knowing it was in the direction that God called me to go.  I was imagining the call of God on my life would be something huge ~ a meaningful and genuine way that I could leave a mark on this earth of God’s love and faithfulness!  After all, doesn’t everyone want to know that they made a difference here on earth, for the Kingdom of God?    

What a load THAT was to carry!  

I’ve learned a lot since that time, as I have moved through various seasons in my life.  I’ve journeyed from a high school student, struggling to find my way, to a university graduate, volunteering in a variety of ministry areas at my home church (at that time), travelling to Ukraine to minister in orphanages, and finally to Essex, where my husband and I serve in the Children’s Ministry position.  

Do you want to know what I’ve learned?  I’ve realized that the call of God is much more simplistic than I had originally thought ~ simplistic but yet profound!  His “call” is not this mysterious mystery that we have to strive to solve.  Bill Wilson, founder of New York’s Sidewalk Sunday (known as Metro Ministries) said it beautifully,

“If you see a need you can fill, then you’ve heard the call of God”.  

Don’t you just love that?!  And I can attest that this is true!  

It is such a freeing feeling to know that I can begin my morning by spending time with Jesus, asking Him to be the centre of my day, and knowing that He will guide and direct me as I am open and available to His leading.  

It really is that easy!  I ask God to show me where I can be His hands and His feet each day ~  where I can show His love, where I can show His grace, where I can show His kindness.  And you know what?!  He shows me, and then it’s up to me to follow His lead!  I know there have been many times where I have missed His will for my day.  I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in social media, entertainment or the busyness of life, and I’ve missed moments where I could have been Jesus to someone.

If you’ve missed “God moments” like I have, don’t be discouraged!  Just start today and commit your day to Him.  Begin with just today, and then deal with tomorrow when it comes.  Don’t overthink it!    

And another thing!  Instead of trying to find something “huge” to do for God, just do all of the little things He puts in front of you.  If someone is sick, and you can help by dropping off a meal, do so!  If a friend is discouraged, and you can send a note of encouragement, do it!  If you can be a friend to someone who is lonely, and pour love and time into them, that’s perfect!  If you can serve at your church, whether in an upfront ministry or behind the scenes, go for it!  As Bill Wilson also says, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world!”  We are all like pieces of a puzzle ~ individually, we are each a small piece, but collectively, we form a beautiful picture and can be used mightily for God and His purposes!   This idea is discussed wonderfully in 1 Corinthians 12, where Paul talks about how we are each a part of the Body of Christ (each one ministering in different ways), but working together, we can make a difference for His glory!  

So I encourage you, no matter where you are in life, no matter what your position is (or isn’t ~ you don’t need a “position” to be effective), we can all be a blessing to others and allow God to direct our paths!  You can make a difference!  He wants to use you!  Just be available and make time to hear His still, small voice.  And when you hear it, follow through with whatever He shows you!  It might be a thought He places in your mind, He might put someone’s face before you.  He might give you a creative idea that you just know comes from Him!  Run with it, and do not fear that you will turn the wrong way.  If we come to God with a desire to please Him and to do His will, He will always course correct us if He needs to!  He loves us, and wants what’s best for us!  So don’t become paralyzed trying to find His will – step out in faith to whatever He puts in your path each day.  He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6)!  

Michelle loves doing life with her handsome husband, Shaun, and her two beautiful girls, Braeya & Analeigh.  Michelle is a pastor’s wife and loves to see God working through children in their local church!  She also enjoys being a stay-at-home mom and doing ministry together as a family.  You can often find Michelle in high heels, in search of candy, and enjoying life’s everyday moments.

Written By: Krista Dunbar

Dear Sweet Friend,

I’m writing you this letter because I wish someone had written these words to me when I was first given the new title, “Pastor’s Wife”.  You see, there are so many of us women out there who have been given this same title and sometimes, the very same expectations.

Going into this new journey, you may be excited, scared, worried you’re not good enough, fearful of your story, or just plain mad about it.

You see, I was all of those things.  I knew my husband was going to be a pastor, but when we married, he was in the field of construction waiting on a church to respond to our interview journey.  At this time, I was just anxious to see my husband doing what we believed he was created to do.  So when the wait was over and our ministry was to begin within the church, I finally stopped and thought about what this meant.

I grew up in the Catholic church, so the idea of being a Pastor’s wife never really crossed my mind.  When I graduated from college and began getting to know the Lord better, I was set up with a soon-to-be preacher.  I became infatuated pretty quickly.  I thought that if I was good enough for him to date, then I was good enough in general.  You see, I still lived my life out of the work-for-your-grace mentality.  We got to know each other well through the magic technology of Skype.  As we began to broach the deeper topics, I knew I had to start airing some of my dirty laundry.  If I was good enough for him, then I’d be good enough for God.  (I want to go back and give myself a kick and a hug for this thought process).  But eventually, it didn’t work out.  And I assumed it was because I wasn’t the quiet, piano playing, DC Talk loving gal he was looking for.  I just wasn’t any of those things and couldn’t be any of those things.

This started my journey of feeling as if I wouldn’t be good enough for church ministry.  I wasn’t the pristine and beautiful unbroken jar of clay that could do it all. I had baggage.  I had doubts.  I didn’t even grow up hearing all of the bible stories.  But you know what?!  None of that mattered.

I met my husband in a young adult group.  He looked like a homeless man (not that there was anything wrong with that) but he wasn’t the typical pastor type with the air of perfection oozing from his polo and khakis.  And I liked that.  He accepted and pursued me for me and saw me as a forgiven and loved woman of God.  No matter what my past looked like.

So going into our ministry, I forgot that God orchestrated the whole thing and tried to put fake expectations on myself.  I started worrying about what I would look like if I didn’t raise my hands in worship or if I did.  I worried about my lack of Biblical knowledge and Christian bands.  I worried that my whole relationship with God had been a hoax up to that point and someone would poke and prod and find me out.  Because of all of this, I began to create a really pretty mask for myself.  I couldn’t be truly authentic because I didn’t have the answers.  Because I wanted to be the best partner to my husband in this new thing with these new people.

Honestly friend, this period of wearing the mask lasted two weeks.  It was so, so unbelievably heavy.  It wasn’t even a version of me I knew.

I realized that it’s okay to doubt.  It’s okay to be imperfect because NO HUMAN can ever be perfect.  That thought process is dipping dangerously into a realm where we try to be our own Savior and pretend we don’t need the work on the cross to be perfect.  And that’s so far from the truth.

If you are new to this whole “pastor’s wife thing”, I want you to hear this:

God has called you to this ministry because you are you.  You have a unique personality, unique set of gifts, and a beautiful message (about him) to share by being yourself.  And if you are trying to be anyone but yourself, you are doing Him a disservice.  If you’re not you, who is?

While it took me a few years to figure out that I don’t have to be everything for everyone, it’s the best thing I could’ve learned.

Ministry can be such a lonely place if you isolate yourself.  So let’s stick together, be ourselves, and live out His command of loving Him and others as best as we can.

Krista Dunbar is loved by God, set free from her failures through Jesus Christ, and is living out her purpose through writing, encouraging, and loving others.  She believes the best way to lead is by being open, honest, and authentic.  She’s the wife and helper to her Young Adult Pastor husband, Chris.  They love doing ministry together, serving side by side in conversation, missional living, and doing CrossFit.  Krista loves sharing stories of God’s purpose through others’ over at Woven & Threaded.  She also just launched her own communications consulting business and is learning how to be an entrepreneur.

Written By: Erin Almond

There are things in life that you’re just unable to fully prepare for.  You know, you can read the books, you can talk with others about their experiences, you can read blogs and listen to podcasts…and while ALL of that is helpful, it doesn’t fully prepare you for the magnitude of the task at hand or for where the Lord is calling you.

That’s my experience at the wife of a church-planter.

In short, it’s everything I thought it would be, and nothing that I thought it would be—at the same time.

I’ll start by saying this—I knew this is the life I was entering when I married my husband.  He was open about hearing the Lord’s call to not only pastor a church, but to start one from the ground up.  Throughout our courtship, we attended a church plant, and during our first year of marriage, we heard the Lord’s call for us to move to the city where we would plant our church; and as quickly as we heard that call, He provided everything we needed to get there and be established.  We are confident that we are where He desires for us to be.

But truthfully, it’s not always easy to rest in that confidence.  

Being the wife of a pastor, especially a church-planting pastor is something that I feel called to, but not always gifted for.  And that’s where the Lord has really worked in me and on my heart.  As I’ve surrendered more and more to His will and this process, I’ve seen Him do what seemed like the impossible.

Our church plant just celebrated one year, and it’s been such an amazing journey.  Dear sister, I pray that you might be encouraged by these lessons I’ve learned in this past year:

1. The best encouragement is to speak God’s promises over him.  
   • The process of pastoring (and particularly planting a church) is one of ups and downs that the enemy can use to manipulate your husband’s insecurities.  When you see him struggling with a decision or frustrated about the various challenges, encourage him with the word of God. 
2. Go to God in prayer FIRST.
   • It seems simple, right?!?  Of course, we go to God in prayer first!  I’ve learned that whether it’s offering my opinion on where something may need to be adjusted with the church or frustration about something around the house, my results are more favourable when I’ve spent time with God in prayer FIRST.  I’ve asked the Holy Spirit to help me know when (and what) to share, and how to share in a way that my husband is able to receive it.
3. Discuss what your role in the church will be…
   • Having a clear understanding of where/how you feel called to serve in the church plant is important.  It helps both you and your husband in setting boundaries, and frees you from feeling that you must do everything.  
4. But know that being a Wife is Most Important
   • With a church plant, there are ALWAYS things that need to get done.  Between the various administrative tasks that come with leading a church to the actual “doing” ministry—the work can seem endless.  And while it’s great if ALL of that gets done, it doesn’t matter if it comes at the expense of your husband and your family.  Our husband and children (if you have them) are our first ministry.  Let us be faithful to the area God first entrusted to our care.
5. It’s hard, but it’s worth it
   • The journey of church planting is one of the biggest exercises of faith that you may ever encounter.  If I didn’t honestly believe that this is the life we were called to, I wouldn’t sign up for it—it’s just that hard.  But, it’s been worth it to see the Lord work.  To hear the testimonies.  To see people go from death to life.

Dear sister, I pray that you find joy in the journey, and that you constantly feel the grace, love, and renewing power of the Lord as you serve with your husband.  I pray that you know that the Lord has equipped you (yes, YOU) for this, and what you have to offer is needed and valuable.  I pray against attacks from the enemy that will attempt to steal your faith, your joy, and your peace.  May you constantly feel covered by the Lord.  Praying for you, and for the impact that you and your church will have for the Kingdom.

~Erin

About Erin:

Erin can be described in many ways, but most prominently as a Christian, a wife, step mommy, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, mentor, and your favourite girl next door.  She considers herself to be an education enthusiast, spending her entire professional career working in education with students from middle school through college, helping to make real their dream of attending the college of their choice.

Erin is most passionate about Jesus, seeking His will, and helping others to live their best possible life through Him by infusing her love of education and leadership development in this process.  She is proud to be married to her favourite preacher man and best friend, Ernest.

In her spare time, Erin can be found enjoying cupcakes with buttercream frosting, reading, preparing healthy meals, and trying to convince her husband that she needs more shoes, Moleskine notebooks, and Pepsi.  She is active in her local church, and is determined to live a life worthy of the calling she has received.  Her ultimate desire is to change lives and hearts for Jesus, and she writes to encourage people in the Lord.