WrittenBy: Marnie Pouget

As a second “mom” and mentor to many young men and women over the years, I often find myself faced with having to speak this message with as much compassion as I can. They can be hard words to hear, even harder to act on. They are difficult to speak but necessary.

Here is a letter similar to one that I wrote to one of my dear “kids”:

I love you and so, I am going to speak to you like I do my own kids.

Honey, he seems like a nice boy, and I am sure he must be or you wouldn’t like him however, he isn’t a Christian and you have no business being in a serious committed relationship with him.

God is clear when he tells us not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-18) It is for our protection and quite frankly I see it as protection for the other person also.

At some point you are going to decide to either go further in this relationship or end it. The likelihood of you marrying someone you dated in your teens is slim however, let’s say that your relationship does last that long- you will be in the situation of marrying an unbeliever. You can talk to anyone who has been there or talk to a child of parents in that situation and they will tell you THAT life is more than difficult.

Suppose he does become a Christian – will it be for himself and because of the conviction of the  Holy Spirit or simply because he likes/loves you and wants to be with you? You won’t really know. Generally, the latter is the case. In fact I don’t know of any situation where the non-christian partner was led to Christ and continued to walk with the Lord even after the relationship ended. Unfortunately, I speak from lots of experience in this area.

So, let’s say you do break up – what will be the picture of Christ and Christians that he has? Most likely it will be that Christians are hypocrites and Christ is not about love because the person he loved left him because of God and His rules. You run the risk of turning him away from ever loving God or accepting His son’s death and the salvation He so freely offers..

Dearest, the reality is that God loves him a bazillion times more than you do and He desperately wants to pursue him and win his heart but you are, quite frankly, standing in the way. If you truly love him, I am guessing you want more than anything his salvation. Don’t rob him of this!!! Preach Christ to him through your actions and words. Don’t allow yourself to go further in this relationship and distract him from the Lord.

When you first became friends, I was quite excited that he could meet other Christians who could love him as a friend and speak truth to him through their testimonies and their lives. I was so excited to see how God was going to move through this friendship. I would still love to see Him move in this boy’s life but fear that He is being stifled because of your relationship.

Please listen to my words and consider them prayerfully.

I love you so much and don’t want to ever see you hurt. Just considering it tears me up inside.

Love “mom”

Until Next Time,

~Marnie

Written By : Marnie Pouget

Once upon a time, in a town not so far away, an idea for a book was born. “Diary of an Old Maid” was the first title

I chose for it– I was twenty-four years old.

I am sure that sounds quite ridiculous, twenty-four seems a bit young to be labelled as such but at that time, I felt old.

My friends were finding “the one” and walking down the aisle before me. Regular questions of “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Any men in your life?” peppered every conversation, or so it seemed, and I felt somehow that when I answered “no”

I came up lacking…

To be honest, my single state was certainly not my plan.

I recall in ninth grade being vocal that I wanted to be married and have a dozen children. In grade thirteen, my Art History teacher asked the class to share their life goals, mine was to be a wife and mother.

Through high school and beyond I was on the hunt for

“the one”. My other half. The person who would meet all my needs. That special someone that would complete me.

In my later teen years my plan was to be married by the age of twenty and have all of my children by the time I was twenty-five (clearly my desire for a dozen children had changed somewhere in there, likely through the influence of one of the boys on whom I had set my sights).

For various reasons, the dream of an early marriage was unfulfilled and I continued to question my value. I had searched for significance and found myself wanting. Like many, I believed that my worth was dependent on the wavering attentions of the opposite sex.

I desired love and approval and wholeness.

I began a journey that would take three years to begin.

A journey of identification and acceptance…

One of the first lessons I needed to learn was that I am “worth it”. Me. Alone. Without anyone else. I have intrinsic value. I am created in the image of the Almighty God. He knit me together in my mother’s womb and I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:13,14). I love the visual of knitting – it is a two handed process with intention.

I have the handprints of God all over me.

Value is determined by the price for which one is willing to pay. I was bought with a price (1 Cor 7:23). The precious blood of the spotless lamb of God, Jesus (Jn 1:29).

A dearer price could not have been paid.

My value is immeasurable.

I am HIS. His because He made me. His because He paid for me. I am wanted and valued. ME. Alone.

What a thrill it was to embrace that truth and to accept that, with Him, I am complete. Lacking nothing. Complete in Christ. I stopped looking for my “soul mate”, my “other half” and became content just me and Jesus. (I recall saying out loud to God “I will get married one day if you dump a guy in my lap with a sign over his head that says “marry him” otherwise, I am good – just You and me.”).

I recently learned the history of this theory of the “soul mate”. In Greek Mythology (though we call them myths, the ancient people really did live by these beliefs) it is said that humans were born with four arms and legs, two heads etc.

Humans began to think they could become gods which angered the reigning gods, so Zeus split each human in half and they spent the rest of their days roaming earth searching for their other half. What a far cry from the beautiful love story that we have romanticized the “soul mate” to be.

How sidetracked I was through the years searching for my missing half. How much time I wasted being discontent and wallowing in my “incompleteness”.

I know I am not alone. Over the ages we have missed the full message of the Gospel. We often end our understanding at recognizing we are a sinner, in need of a Saviour. We accept Christ’s death as payment for our sins and rejoice that He rose again and is preparing a place for us. Our past is dealt with and our future is sealed but our present somehow lacks the vibrancy of a life redeemed unless we recognize our completeness in Christ and walk in it.

We need to be less concerned with how and when we find “the one” and more concerned with pursuing THE One. The lover of our souls. The author and perfecter of our faith. (Heb. 12:2).

 “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” 

~Maya Angelou

How thankful I am that my journey began with three years of singleness. A time of tremendous growth and reflection. Though I wasn’t always content at the beginning, I wouldn’t trade those years. When I embraced my wholeness in Christ, I found purpose and contentment. Me. Alone.