Category: Guest-Writers

Written By: Melinda Means

It had dreamed about it since I was a little girl.

Tucked away in my room, devouring book after book, I fantasized about becoming an author.  At school, I’d gaze at the bookshelves in my classroom and daydream about my masterpieces lining the shelves one day.

Last year, it became a reality.

After years of blogging, building an audience, prayers, sweat and tears, my first co-authored book hit the shelves.

But by the time it did, it didn’t have the effect that I always thought it would.  Sure, it was a great feeling.  However, something has happened along the way to realizing this dream.

The joy had slowly drained out of my ministry.  

I was feeling more and more distant from God.  I began to resent ministry and people.

In desperation, I remember praying, God, I’m so tired.  I can’t do ministry this way anymore.  If this is what is required and how it has to be done, I’m out. 

Looking back, I can identify three steps that led to my ministry misery:

Step One: I made it my identity.

In the world of writing and ministry, I’ve always been told that you need to build a “platform.”  People have to know who you are if you want anyone to hear your message.  True enough.

I subscribed to a slew of blogs that gave expert advice about getting more followers, increasing traffic and marketing effectively.  I worked incredibly hard and applied the techniques.

It was like I was in high school all over again.  My popularity became a measure of my worth.  As a recovering people pleaser, I fell back into old habits and thought patterns.  What others thought of me became way too important.  I looked to online recognition — instead of God alone — to fill my need for acceptance and importance.

On any given day, my mood could be altered by the state of my Amazon book ranking or the response (or lack thereof) to a blog post.  

Even when I reached a goal, it didn’t delver the payoff I craved.  Because there was always a new goal to set and achieve.

It never felt like enough.  There was never an endpoint.  I never felt a sense of satisfaction.

When would I finally be “successful”?  I didn’t know.  But I knew that it was never at the level I had achieved.

Step Two: I compared myself to others.

I don’t know who said it, but it couldn’t be more true: Comparison is the thief of joy.

It wasn’t just that I compared my “numbers” or “followers” to others, I would also compare their gifts and abilities to mine.  I’d think that if I were just a better writer, a more engaging personality or a more brilliant business mind like “Suzy” or “Kelly” or __________________, I’d be content.

I struggled to be happy for others who were given incredible opportunities to spread their messages and tell others about God.  It made me feel like a failure.

Why did they get that opportunity instead of me?  What were they doing that I wasn’t?  Does God love them more?  Trust them more?

Step Three: I followed “advice” instead of Jesus.

After years of following advice from all the experts, I felt empty and anxious.  My focus was on all the wrong things.

I lost sight of the reason I began my ministry in the first place: a love for Jesus and a desire to serve Him.

For at least a year prior to God finally getting my attention, I felt a restlessness in my soul and spirit.  I knew that the way I was pursuing ministry was not led by God.

I could feel Him leading me to pull back and quit obsessing.  To rest.  To spend more time with Him and less with the “experts.”  To be bold enough to do ministry like He directed — even if it went against all the conventional wisdom.

And I resisted — time and time again.

My turning point

About six months ago, the exhaustion and weariness got to be too much.  I began to ask God over and over again to show me a new way to do ministry.  One that brought me joy instead of anxiety.

It didn’t seem possible.

This fall, as I was planning a women’s conference at my church, my health failed me.  I’ve struggled with chronic illness for years.  But for two weeks, I was nearly bedridden.  All my frantic activity came to a screeching halt.

God finally had my attention.  I was finally willing to give it all to Him whatever that meant.

When I spoke at the conference, I had nothing.  I prayed, “God, this is going to be all you.  I am completely empty.  ” I felt a power of the Holy Spirit that I had never experienced before.  He didn’t need all my frantic efforts after all.

I wanted more of that.  More of Him.  Nothing else.  Just that.  I was willing to follow wherever He led — just to get more of Him.

I’m doing ministry very differently these days.  I still have a blog, but not much of a social media presence.

I don’t know the big picture.  Or where He’s taking my ministry.  I’m just following where He leads step-by-step.

His approval is all I need.  His expert advice will always be for my good.

Do I still struggle at times with those old demons of comparison and insecurity?

Sure.

But they don’t own me anymore.

The joy is back.  Nothing is worth losing it.  

Bio:

Melinda is first and foremost the daughter of an incredibly gracious and patient Father. She is the Women’s Ministry director at her church, wife to Mike and mom to teens Molly and Micah. She blogs about finding refreshment in the midst of adversity at melindameans.com. She is co-author of Mothering From Scratch, Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family (Bethany House, 2015).

Written By: Varina Denman

Admittedly, I take the church for granted.  I’ve been at worship three times a week since birth, and I’ll be there till they wheel my casket up the aisle.  For me, the church is life.  It’s breath.  It’s nourishment.

But it’s also pain.  We’re always harder on those we love, and in my lifetime, I’ve seen way too many bad/sad/mad things happen among Christians.  I’ve seen believers ostracized for their sins, ridiculed for their weaknesses, and gossiped for everything under the sun.  All in the name of Christ.

And I’ve been hurt.

There was the time church work was pushed on my husband and me, even though our marriage was struggling.  There was the time a family member’s parenting skills were scrutinized because of the behaviour of their teenage child.  There was the time family members were ridiculed because of their convictions on social issues.

But it all started when I was much younger, at the age when I first became aware of my appearance.  Like most adolescent girls, I felt insecure in my skin, and I worried about make-up and clothing.  Boys began to figure into this concern, and I struggled to balance my need-to-be-noticed with the Christian values my parents had taught me.

Good girls wore this and not that.  Bad girls wore that and not this.  I thought I was getting it right, until one of the deacons looked at me from head to toe and made a disgusted face at my clothing or my make-up or my body … or me.

Yes, the church hurts.  And I include myself in that accusation.  I don’t always say or do—or even think—the right thing.  In fact, twenty-five years later as I walked into worship, I caught myself scrunching my nose at two teenage girls in short dresses, and I realized

Christians don’t always act like Christ.

But there’s a reason for that.  Duh.  We’re not Him.  We’re human, and we’re a mess.  As long as there are people in the church, there will be problems, but we’re trying.  It’s true we’re harder on those we love, but the fact is, we DO love.  We just love imperfectly.

The Lord’s church is all about forgiveness, and we give each other plenty of practice.  We hurt each other, we forgive each other, we love each other.  We strive to love like Christ, but not until we get to heaven, will we finally get it completely right.  And to tell you the truth, I’m looking forward to that day.

~Varina

About Varina:

Varina writes stories about the unique struggles women face.  Her three-book Mended Hearts series, which revolves around church hurt, is a compelling blend of women’s fiction and inspirational romance.  A native Texan, Varina lives near Fort Worth with her husband and five mostly grown children.  Her passion is helping others make peace with their life situations.

Written By: Bethany McIlrath

Remember when you were five and had an invisible friend? It’s pretty normal, with an estimated 37% of kids hanging out with friends that don’t exist. For a lot of kids, invisible friends are used for companionship and connection.  

If you think about it, a lot of adults use their smartphones in a similar way.

For example, your phone:

1. Goes Everywhere With You

Forget shame, you know that you aren’t the only person who brings your phone everywhere. Whether it’s to the toilet, to bed, or to social occasions, you just can’t go without the precious device.

2. Plays Games With You

Artificial intelligence allows you to play games with your phone as if it has its own mind and will. Don’t lie…you have definitely chosen to play with your phone over going out, completing chores, or socializing. What’s your favorite game app?

3. Knows Everything About Everyone Else in Your Life

It knows your every contact. It hears your secrets, listens in on private conversations, and stores all sorts of info about the people you love. Your phone, like an invisible friend, is a trustworthy confidant and is privy to just about everything.

4. Is Constantly Used as an Excuse

Sometimes kids blame their invisible companions for spilling stuff or forcing them into bad behavior. Your phone can be just as good an excuse. Like, for example, when you pretend to have a text or a call so that you can get out of a conversation.

5. Is For Your Eyes Only

There’s a password on your phone for a reason. Other people are welcome to know that your phone exists, but it’s yours and no one else needs to interact with it.

6. Has a Very Distinct Look

Kids are often adamant about the way their invisible friends look. You’re probably the same way about your phone. From buying a special case to selecting your back ground picture to describing the exact model to others, you care about your phone’s appearances.

7. Is Well Protected

Sure, it’s replaceable and everything stored in your phone is probably also accessible online. But that doesn’t mean you don’t guard it with your life and freak out when it cracks.

8. Keeps You Company Among Strangers

When you were five and all your cousins ignored you, invisible Timmy kept you company. Now, you pretend to text or you clean up your settings to avoid contact or to keep you from feeling bored and alone when you’re out.

9. Is Not Everything

For as much as you love your phone, you know that when it comes down to it, actual human connection is more important. If you have to go a day or two without your phone, you’ll survive and might even feel relieved.

10. …Can Become an Idol

Psychologists suggest that invisible friends aren’t harmful as long kids don’t confuse the realities of actual friendship with the designs of their minds. This is especially the case when kids let their invisible friends run their little lives.

If your phone functions a lot like an invisible friend, you have to be careful to keep it from becoming more of an idol or master. Phones are a useful tool, but they are just that –a tool.

It’s not like using your phone is a sin, but be sure to examine your heart as you use it day in and day out. Your phone can go from being a helpful device to a resource mastering your time and connections –and at that point, it’s time for a reality check.  

~ Bethany

About Bethany:
A learner at heart, Bethany McIlrath believes that listening to the Lord’s Word and being attentive to all that He teaches her through daily life is a priceless blessing. Eager to share about her Savior, you can find Bethany’s writing on her blog: Firstandsecondblog.wordpress.com. She would love to connect with you on Twitter or Facebook as well.

Written By: Cristina Myers

A woman in ministry.  What does that even look like?  I know what I thought it was supposed to look like.  And let me tell you this, when ministry found me I was in for a rude awakening.  Yes, funny how that happens.  When I surrendered my life to Jesus I had a very skewed, or maybe romanticized, view of what ministry was.  You see, my whole life I loved children.  I loved watching them, taking care of them, and playing with them.  I even worked as a preschool teacher when I was in college.  I love, love, loved it!  You get the idea, right?  

So naturally, when it came time to serve the Lord I assumed that’s where He would call me to serve Him.  I put on my rose coloured glasses and my first attempt at ministry was a stint in the church’s children’s ministry.  Though it was fine and fun, I never felt that children’s ministry was what the Lord had for me. Then one day, our youth pastor got on stage and talked about the need for volunteers on Monday nights and I eagerly decided to serve with the youth group.  I was leading a small group of high school girls and I loved it.  The Lord started preparing me for what would be my true calling and life mission through this season.  Each week as I met with these girls, they would shape me as much as I shaped them.  I was getting close, oh so close, but still when that season of serving was over I felt no loss or longing, just a sense of mission accomplished.

So I continued to seek the Lord.  I grew in my faith.  I had no expectations or aspirations to pursue ‘formal” ministry.  This was probably because I was not raised knowing anything about ministry.  To be totally and honest I had never even heard of the word ministry until I started attending the inter-denominational church where I met and fell in love with the Lord at.  Oh but soon I would learn.  I would learn quickly and abruptly that there was a line drawn in the sand when it came to women and ministry.

You were either in or you were out.

“Say what?!” you ask.  I know, I know … I was a little confused too.  So let me back up a minute and give you the background info.  How can someone go from never even fully understanding what ministry was to feeling totally unqualified, excluded, and shunned from what I now call the Sorority of “Women in Ministry”.

It all started innocently enough, with a Facebook post.  Like most modern day dramas, it all started with Facebook.  I remember the day so clearly, that as I sit and type this I realize that my heart must still hurt over this.  That there’s more healing that must need to take place.  But I’m rambling, so let me get back to my story.  I was scrolling down my news feed and a friend of mine (a pastor’s wife, lovely both inside and out) posted about an upcoming conference; she shared the details with the link.  I can’t remember who the main speaker was at the time, but I do remember that it was a speaker I had told my other friend about.  I was excited to share with my friend just to say, “Hey, this is that lady I told you about”.  So without thinking twice, I tagged my friend in the comments with a note along the lines of, “so and so, check this out”.  I proceeded to log off of Facebook and go on with my day.  When I did this I didn’t think anything of it or the other women that might have been tagged in the post.  Nor did I notice who was hosting the event.  All of that was irrelevant to me because like I said earlier, I was just pointing out something to my friend, kind of like how I would point out a car, handbag, or beautiful house I like with no actual intention of buying it.  No foul, no harm. Right?

Wrong.

Oh boy was I wrong.  Little did I know I was about to be schooled in the Sorority of “Women in Ministry”.  Later that evening I saw the red dot of suspense, I mean the notification dot.  Facebook so kindly informed me that a prominent woman in ministry in my community had tagged me in a comment.  I was curious to see what she had tagged me in, as we weren’t close but I admired her greatly.  And then came the burn.  She had pointed out very publicly and pointedly (remember she tagged me with my first and last name) that the event I had commented on was ONLY for pastor’s wives and “women in ministry”.  Ouch.

I was confused, mad (fuming actually), and hurt.  I had no clap back.  All I had was the feeling of being sucker punched and the conversation in my head that went something like this:

1. Who are you to say I’m not a woman in ministry?
2. I didn’t know there was a special club for these “special women” and the rest of us    were not invited.
3. If my place in the caste system was so low that I’m not even allowed to comment      on a post, why would I want to do ministry anyway?
4. I didn’t want to go to your stupid event anyway!!!!

These four thoughts went in and out, up and down, and around my head for hours, maybe even days.  Then I realized something, my anger was just masking the very real and raw emotion that I didn’t want to face, REJECTION.  I had come from a community of believers that were accepting and loved and celebrated me just as I was.  A community where I didn’t even realize that what I was doing was “ministry”.  I just wanted to serve the Lord and the church gave me the opportunity.  Other than passing a background check to be able to work with kids and youth, nothing else was required of me.  But now…now I found myself wading in unknown waters.  I never in a million years would have thought that the Body of Christ would be so exclusive, elitist, and clique-y.  

So what was I to do?  How was I to reconcile this rejection with my heart’s desire of serving the Lord?  More importantly, how would the passion I had to help women discover their true identity in Christ, be affected by this?  How when it was the same women who I thought were on my team were the ones to reject me?  But God.

God.  G-O-D.  My Father, My Redeemer, My Healer, My Vindicator, My Hero, and My Everything.  He was so good to me.  If He loved me, and I knew He did, I could face anything.  I could move past this rejection.  He could heal the wounds from that painful sting and use that very wound to start a fire in my soul.  You see, instead of allowing that seed of rejection grow and fester into bitterness, He changed my heart.  He gave me grace.  Grace for me and grace for those who never realized they had hurt me.  And that fire that began to burn that day was the fire that fuels the passion for my life ministry, helping women know their identity in Christ so that they may live the purpose and call God has for their lives.  I learned something so vital and so essential from the moment of that pivotal Facebook post:

Ministry is not something that you do.  Ministry is not something that you are in.  Ministry is a way of life.

You, beautiful woman of God, child of the Most High King, have been called to a life of service, a life consecrated unto Him, a life of ministry.  What does that look like?  It’s not Wednesday morning Bible Study, it’s not greeting at the church, serving in the kid’s ministry, attending conferences, writing a blog, speaking, preaching, or singing on a stage.  I mean it can be all these things but sweet sister, it is SO MUCH MORE.

It’s the way you smile at the new girl who just walked into church for the first time, it’s staying up late to help your husband study for his Board Exams, it’s feeding the homeless, it’s taking your daughter shopping or drying her tears after her first heartbreak, it’s praying for your coworker who doesn’t know the Lord, it’s giving a check to the family in your community who just lost it all, it’s loving on the unlovable, and sometimes it’s just making it through the day when you think you can’t go on.

We are not part of the Sorority of “Women in Ministry”.  We are the community of women living our ministries.

The other night, I was on Facebook and I felt the Holy Spirit wanting me to share on the topic of ministry.  If I can leave you with one thought on ministry it would be this:

As I sit here I reflect on this thing we call “ministry”.  Man, this is totally not what I signed up for.  It’s harder, messier, more complicated, and absurd than I could ever imagine.

It’s also the most beautiful display and dance of God’s love I’ve ever seen in action.  So now what?  So now I dance.  I dance in the sunshine.  I dance in the rain.  I dance in the storms.  When I’m drowning I give in and dance in the water until He gently and so gracefully lifts me up.  I float and bask in His presence until he gently brings me to shore.  And then?  And then, my friends I get up and dance again.  But this time I find someone to dance with, someone who hasn’t heard a song in a very long time, the one who needs to dance the pounding of the heartbeat God has placed in the core of their being.  And then we dance and dance some more.  We bring others along with us as the love of the Father shines down on us all.  And this, this is the beautiful imagery of ministry in action.

It’s not about a 501c(3).  It’s not about a building.  It’s not about a board of directors or trustees.  It’s about relationship.  It’s about love.  Our relationship with our Father overwhelming us to the brink so that nothing but love can pour out to those around us.  It can be your family.  It can be your workplace.  It might be your sick husband or the mother in law you think you hate.  It’s the smile to the stranger.  The sandwich to the homeless man lying filthy on the street.  It can be all of this and so much more.  It is all of this and nothing less.

Do not despise where you are at.  Do not crave position.  Do not orchestrate a platform.  Just be.  Receive.  Dance.  Love.

This is ministry my friends.  Nothing more and nothing less.

Don’t love to be loved.  Love because you are loved.

It’s messy, it’s rewarding, it’s complicated, and sweet.  It’s not a club, sorority, or clique.  It’s me and it’s you.  Don’t give up.  Keep on truckin’.  Keep on keepin’ on.  You are worth it.  You are called.  The world needs you because the world needs more women living in ministry, not just “women in ministry”.

Much Love,
Cristina

About Cristina:

Cristina Myers is a mother, sister, wife, sometimes a hot mess, Texas transplant, Oxford comma loving, daughter of the Most High King. Originally from the tropical of Puerto Rico, she now calls the beautiful Texas Hill Country home. With copious amounts of Starbucks as fuel, Cristina tries to balance working outside of the home, chasing a toddler, and spreading the passion for prayer though WNOPtribe ministries. She’s passionate about helping women discover their true identity in Christ so they can walk in their purpose and calling.