Kerrington's Posts, {Faith}, {Life}

When I realized I was suffering from…PTSD. 

Written By: Kerrington Sweeney

PTSD Defintion: a condition of persistent mental and emotional stress occurring as a result of injury or severe psychological shock, typically involving disturbance of sleep and constant vivid recall of the experience, with dulled responses to others and to the outside world.

After almost 4 months of being anaphylactic reaction free…it still haunts me on a daily basis the severity of the health situation that I had been experiencing.

Every ambulance I see with sirens wailing & lights flashing I am reminded. 

Every moment I hear of someone having a trauma I am reminded.

Every sound that remotely relates to having a reaction I am reminded. 

Thing is friends, I am always being reminded.

A time in particular when I was reminded fiercely, is what I would like to chat about.

Our young adults group was in attendance to one of the largest youth & young adults convention in our area. Sitting front row that night, worship was in full swing with over 3,000 people. Then in one single moment…everything stopped. 

The lights, the music, the crowds. There was silence. It wasn’t a silence that was one we as Christians wait for and press in for… in a movement of the Holy Spirit. It was a moment of silence where a young woman was having a seizure, front row on the cold, cement flooring of this convention.

The room stood still and prayed. I remember sinking into my seat. Where I began to weep.

Watching this situation, seeing what I had just experienced about 2 months before, happening right there in front of me. I couldn’t handle watching. So I stopped and closed my eyes…thinking that this would easy my fears.

What I didn’t realize in that moment when you “shut” down one of your senses…the other senses become more powerful. I closed my eyes and I could hear everything more magnified.

I could hear the dispatching radios of the paramedics as they rushed in to the scene, I could hear the oxygen machine turning on and air leaking through the mask, and I could hear the metal stretcher being opened up in preparation for the patient. I felt like I could even smell the plastic of the paramedics gloves and the clean oxygen air that was pumping through the tank.

I was ferociously crying…seeing, hearing & experiencing my situation on an outsiders view. I was scared, nervous and afraid. Shaking inside…This is when my friends, I realized what I was suffering from and it wasn’t going to be easy.

Post traumatic stress disorder. 34% of people suffer from this,  from a traumatic illness or injury that has taken place in their life and there I was…one of them. Not sure of really what to do, I sat with my mentor and he said a few words that comforted my heart…

Part 2 coming soon!! Thanks for reading.

Until Next Time,

~Kerrington

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