Written By Katie Walker
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
I repeated this verse in my head many times before I could accept it as truth. One of my counselors worked with me in pointing me towards this verse anytime I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t good enough for God; that I was always a sinner and always would be.
Though I had grown up in the church, I grew up with my own belief system about God. While I watched my older sibling rebel against my parents, I took pride in knowing I was not like him. While he continuously broke the rules, I strived to live by the rules believing that was all I needed to get by and be accepted.
If I just go to church every week… if I just obey mum and dad all the time… if I just do well at school and never get a detention… if I just read my bible every day… I will be good enough.
These ideas weren’t bad, but my motivation was. I became so focused on believing I had to do to earn any love or acceptance from both people and God.
This belief system didn’t lead me very far. In fact, I became very stuck in a self-destructive cycle when it became clear I couldn’t stick to those rules.
Each time I tried to be good enough and tried to be perfect, I failed. And, soon enough I was living a life completely guided by guilt and shame which brought me even further away from God.
My thought patterns and beliefs turned from If I just try… to I will never be good enough.
Even though I grew up with the knowledge of God, and the Bible and salvation, I ran far from God believing I would never be fit for His family. I was ashamed, and believed I was a mistake.
The years after I graduated high school, and tried to attend University, are a blur for me. I entered destructive relationships and got caught up in self-destructive cycles. I didn’t think I was worth waiting for. I continued to believe I was much too broken for God.
Eventually I hit rock bottom and was hospitalized. At this point I knew the only way was to turn back to God. This was the turning point for me. I knew my belief system wasn’t getting me anywhere. Clearly I was missing something. I returned home to my family, and more importantly turned my ways back to God. I began a long, hard, painful journey of recovery.
Over the next 5 years I have continued to learn more and more about God’s unconditional love, amazing grace and sovereignty.
Not only that, I have accepted His unconditional love, amazing grace and sovereignty. I am a work-in-progress but am no longer bound my legalistic beliefs, or guilt. I have learned more about God, salvation and forgiveness in the last 5 years than I have in my whole life growing up in the church.
It doesn’t matter where we come from or who we are, there is always a time to be born. I was once born to my parents, and I was born again to God.
Katie is a child of God. She loves Jesus, coffee, owls and craft. Katie is also passionate about writing encouraging articles for Christian women to point them to Jesus. You can read her blog at www.ourseasonsofgrace.blogpost.com.au