But God…

Written By: Joceline Sweeney

Every spring as the snow finally melts off and the fresh grass is awakened, I can be overcome with fear. The smell of the sweet crisp air blowing in from the open windows sadly stirs me. Why at such a time of newness and growth would fear and sorrow creep up on me?

Many years ago, as a growing family my husband and I were looking to purchase our first home. There were not very many on the real estate market and in our price range, so when we found one, we acted quickly. In a whirlwind of paper work, packing tissue and cardboard boxes our moving day arrived. It was the perfect time to take the next step together as a family, spring had sprung and it was going to be great. We busied ourselves unpacking and began to turn the house into our own home sweet home.  The first week was terrifically exhausting and wonderful, but as Friday rolled around it came to a sorrowful screeching halt.  Exactly One week after our moving day, my husband came home from work with some bad news. He had just received a lay-off notice from his job, not just him but hundreds of others workers as well. We both spiraled into fearfulness. How could this happen? What were we going to do? Were we going to lose the house we felt the Lord called us to buy? Why Lord? Why?

But God!

After those two words some of you probably expected to read that everything worked out for us and that my husband got called back to work right away and we were happy! No, it was a very difficult year for us. I shed more tears than I should have. Worried way more than I should have. In the midst of life’s storms it is really hard to see what’s going on. It is so easy to get caught up trying to figure it all out. I remember saying to God “whatever it is you are trying to teach me just hurry up and do it… I’m tired!” We had so little money that the first Christmas we had in our own home we now call “Our poor Christmas” It was a year of wandering sadness. Right down to the last week before no more money would be coming in, panic began to take over. Where would we live? How would I tell my daughters?  How would we survive? The circumstances were almost unbelievable!  Things that had never happened were happening. The office my husband was to write a new career test at, was on strike! I had never heard of them striking before! I went into our bedroom so my girls wouldn’t see me and I shouted to the Lord in sheer desperation and said “Is this what you wanted? I am complete broken and defeated? I have nothing left!!! “I cried until I could cry no more, when I finally picked myself up of the floor, I remembered feeling a strange sense of renewed hope.

But God… through His faithfulness carried us, He never abandoned us. We prayed harder than we ever had before and God faithfully answered. It wasn’t always what we were expecting but He never faltered. He was faithful. We never went without.

Now when this time of year rolls around and the spring newness surrounds me, I choose not to fear but to instead remember God’s faithfulness. Allowing the sweet spring breeze to wash over me, not with sadness but with a heart full of hope and gratefulness.

Until Next Time,

~Joceline