{Life} My Mission Field

July 11, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Tricia Underwood

I still remember the feeling of actually literally seeing a prayer being answered in front of my eyes for the first time.

I was 18 years old and was on a mission’s trip in Mexico. The larger group our small youth group was ministering alongside of were spending the days walking around from neighborhood to neighborhood, inviting anyone and everyone that would listen from some of the poorest places in Mexico, to the outdoor “church” service we would have each evening. The children’s service consisted of a puppet show and artistic drama with chalk that captivated children of all ages. Meanwhile, the adults were seated within eyesight of their children, hearing their own age-appropriate gospel message~ most for the very first time!

Day after day, this was our routine. The places I saw that people lived, broke and melted my prideful and apathetic heart. Up until that point in my life, I never really stopped living my own, self-centered life long enough to truly consider that there were people living in the conditions I saw. I saw mothers~ good, loving mothers~ doing the best they could to provide what little food and dry shelter they could for their children. It was hard not to question if God had forgotten these people. I remember feeling like these people were living on the island of misfits (from the Christmas movie, “Rudolph”) and thinking, “What did I ever do to be born so lucky in the country and family I was born into?!” I remember thinking it’s not fair, but also wondering how or why God could allow people to have to continue living like this.

During the daytime, if there were large numbers of kids around, we brought coloring books and crayons, along with bubbles to play with the kids, while our adult leaders would talk with the children’s parents, inviting them to the church service.

One evening, a horrible storm came and we were all so worried that no one from the villages would come out to hear the gospel due to the weather. I have never seen land so flat, where I could stand at the top of a tiny hill and see for miles and miles. I could see the storm getting closer, watch the rain miles away while it was only starting to get cooler and darker where I stood. The lightening was a beautiful, yet worrisome, sight because I knew that if that storm kept coming, that meant no one would make it to the service.

We had a small utility trailer that was used to transport items used for the children’s service. Someone suggested that whoever wanted to, should gather in the utility trailer to pray for the service and pray that God would move the storm, so that it would pass over our area and that the Word of God could be shared with these people. I joined in that utility trailer and prayed so hard. All day I had spent falling in love with these people. My heart was so broken for them. I didn’t want to leave without them hearing the real reason we were there.

I still have pictures of myself and a friend from youth group, squatting on the ground playing with those kids who had never seen either crayons or bubbles before.

I think about that picture and remember that experience frequently. My heart still breaks for those precious children.

But more than crayons and coloring books, more than bubbles, more than time spent playing football (soccer) with them on their dirt fields, more than any of that, I yearned to share with them something that I knew would stay with them long after I left. I wanted them to know the One True Source of Living Water. I wanted them to know how very much God loved them, that He sent His One and Only Son to die for them. I wanted them to know that His love is unconditional, and He is full of grace and mercy. That He doesn’t care where you live or what you do for a living… He desires to give you a freedom and peace the world can’t give. I began to receive answers for the question of “why” I was born into the country and family I was born into~ so that I could come share the gospel with others! I felt I could redeem the unfairness of it all if I shared the gift that I had been given to others, rather than keeping it bound up within my own heart.

I have no idea how long we were in there praying. I do know, though, that I never heard it rain. As we opened the door to walk out, my breath was literally stolen from me as I saw that the ominous clouds that were previously closing in on our area were now gone and were now replaced with just mild overcast. As if the storm just decided to turn around.

God’s Hand, or His Voice, moved that storm! Many people that night came to know the Lord as their own Savior! I remember thinking then, although I didn’t know the full meaning of it, that I had been walking on Holy Ground.

I remember being so moved with what I was able to be a small part of, that I praying to God while feeling God prompt my heart towards a life on the mission’s field, “Lord, if being a missionary is what You want me to do, then please show me. Please give me a sign.” Almost immediately God brought a literal road sign to my sight, with a name of a place on it that has forever been on my heart since then. The name of that road was the name of an actual country.

As time has gone by, as it seems to do so quickly and without warning, I haven’t yet been able to go to the place I feel God called me to go. I pray for those people and I feel a constant drawing to that area of the world.

Now, I am a wife and a mother. I am not able to pick up our world and go to that place (at least not, I feel, without my husband being 100% on board with the same calling). However, recently I was contemplating where I am in my life and where I thought I’d be… the dreams I have for doing BIG, BOLD Kingdom work for the Lord, and I found myself in a bit of a pity party {ok, more like a pit… period}. Let’s just be honest, I was complaining to God about where I am, what I am (not) doing, and how I feel so STUCK in the season in my life.

Once I finished with my pity party rant, God quietly spoke to me again and reminded me that THIS place, this season, right where He has me IS my mission field. I am working a job that I am not at all happy in, BUT I have the opportunity to help people when they are in the most vulnerable places, and I’ve already had multiple opportunities where I have shared God’s love with people that didn’t know about it, had chosen to ignore it, or had forgotten about it long ago.

Perhaps more important to me than the job I do as a career, is the role God has me in as wife and mother. Specifically, the calling He has called me to in homeschooling our precious children. The days are oh-so-long (and not at all easy), but the weeks fly by, making the years oh-so-short! Everytime I hear about something awful in the news involving the younger generation of today, I realize how blessed I am to be able to have such a flexible job that allows me to stay home to educate our kids during the week and provide the education my husband and I feel is most important. We want God to be the head of our school and lead us with how and what to teach our children. We know there are some awful things going on in the world, because sin is so prevalent in the world, but I’m thankful that our children get to learn of that from my husband and I, and take them straight to the Bible for answers, to see for themselves what God says about it all, rather than what the world would have our kids to believe, leaving Christ completely out of it altogether.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NLT)

And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

God reminded me, as He spoke to my heart about my mission field, that I AM doing Kingdom work for Him~ perhaps the most important work I could possibly do! I am influencing our two children who will go on to be adults and hopefully raise their own children to follow Him just as closely.

Deuteronomy 4:9 (NIV)
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

When God helps change your perspective and helps you see your daily routine (what I used to see as being “stuck”) as Kingdom work for Him, it will renew your passion for life and for what He has you doing! I now pray,

Dear Lord, I am FAR from perfectly walking out the calling you have in my life, but help me to focus on this one thing: to forget the past [and all my past hopes and dreams that may not be what You want for me at this season in my life], but rather look forward to what lies ahead. Help me, Lord, to press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which You, through Christ Jesus, are calling me. (Philippians 3:13-14) Help me to remember that because I am Your masterpiece, and You have created me anew in Christ Jesus, I can do the good things You planned for me long ago (Ephesians 2:10) even if that “good thing” may look differently than what I think it is. Help me to accept, joyfully, any new mission fields You move me into throughout seasons in my life, and to be grateful for what you are teaching me in them. Because I am surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, Lord, help me strip off every weight that slows me down, especially any sin that easily trips me up. And, Lord, help me to run with endurance the race that You have set before me, remembering to always keep my focus on YOU, Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects my faith. (Hebrews 12:1-2) Father, you know that my desire is to fight the good fight for the true faith. Help me to hold tightly to the eternal life to which You have called me (1 Timothy 6:12), knowing that it is only through You, not myself, that I can do anything. For indeed I can do everything through You, Lord, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13) And Lord, finally, as You are my heavenly Father, You are also the Heavenly Father to my children and love them even more than I do! What peace and comfort that is to me. I pray that you will continue to lead and guide me in all the details of living each day of my life, especially in my role as a mother; nothing is too small for You. I pray that You will impart wisdom to my husband and I as we try to be good stewards of the gifts You have given us in these children. For my heart’s desire is to hear You say that You have no greater joy than to hear that Your children (and their children and their children, for generations to come!) are walking in the truth!! (3 John 1:4) Help me each day on this mission field, Lord. Forgive me for not seeing it as that before, and give me renewed strength, wisdom, and endurance to run this race well! In Jesus’ Name, amen!

Until Next Time,
Tricia

Tricia’s blog

Guest-Writers

When You Don’t Deserve God’s Grace

July 10, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Kelly Stanley

One Sunday morning when our son, Bobby, was six, he left our pew and walked straight to the front of the church, up the steps onto the platform, right in the middle of our worship. Pastor Nathan was sitting in a chair off to the side, putting the finishing touches on his sermon notes. Bobby circled around the worship leader, ignored the musicians, and climbed into the seat next to Nathan.

With a sigh, he leaned back and then scooted to the edge of the chair. The big smile and hug Nathan gave him weren’t a surprise—Nathan had taught all the children that they were always welcome to come up front. That day, as I watched through tears, I finally understood the beauty of having direct access to God. Knowing that He welcomes me, and you, with joy. No matter who’s watching.

That’s what the Bible means when it says, “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)

It’s a perfect picture of how we are to approach God. Boldly, with the faith of a child. Not hesitating, not being hindered by all the reasons we—or someone else—might think we’re not worthy to be up there right next to the King. All that matters—the only thing—is that He loves us. He could be annoyed by the interruptions; He could shush us and say that he has more important things to do. But He doesn’t.

Some people have trouble coming to God because they don’t feel worthy. They quote scriptures like Psalm 22:6 (“But I am a worm and not a man. I am scorned and despised by all!”). Their understanding of mankind’s (general) and their own (specific) sin, paired with an awareness of the holiness of God, cripples them, making them afraid to trust that He really wants them. Because they are convinced they don’t deserve to be there.

Somehow, I didn’t have that same struggle. I knew I couldn’t earn my way to a relationship with God, but like my son, I approached God with confidence. I took the Scriptures at face value: “God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners … So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.” (Romans 5:8-12)

But then.

My mom was diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer and I started a three-year roller-coaster ride. I claimed to have faith, but I was as dry and parched as a desert inside. When it came time to pray, I had nothing to say. Bitterness and sorrow and pain replaced any words I might have had. After Mom died, I built the walls even higher—fortifying them, adding a moat filled with alligators, for good measure—to protect myself from being hurt again. I rolled my eyes when someone at church would stand up and testify that they had been healed. Or even that they believed in healing.

I wasn’t sure if God didn’t answer or if He gave me the wrong answer. I began to doubt whether He was able to effect change at all. I hadn’t just lost Mom. Not to sound overly dramatic, but I’d lost everything I believed in. My grief made me incapable of seeing the truth. And the fickleness of my faith filled me with shame.

I had ceased to be the child approaching God without hesitation, or even the temperamental teenager stamping her foot and refusing to look at Him—and turned into that lowly earthworm. Why would God want me back? Once I realized how much I wanted—needed—Him, I didn’t feel like I had the right to ask Him. Because I had rejected Him before.

And then one Sunday morning at church we sang a song that broke through my defenses. “Through it all, through it all… I learned to trust in Jesus, I learned to trust in God.” I felt the walls crumbling as I thought-prayed, “No I didn’t. I failed miserably. Lord, I’m so sorry.”

Immediately I felt His response. “But I got to show you grace!”

Notice, He didn’t say that He had to. Nor that He did it grudgingly. Instead, it was like our magnificent, holy God was a little child Himself, hopping from one foot to the other, giddy with excitement at the gift He was thrilled to give me.

The one I didn’t deserve.

But that didn’t matter to God. All that mattered was that He wanted me back. He allowed me to march right up to that altar and lean into Him, to scoot close to the edge of His chair. To look into His face and see the kindness in His smile.

And to take a deep breath of relief, knowing I was right where I belonged. Filled with, wrapped in, emboldened by, and surrounded by His unfathomable grace.

~ Kelly

Kelly O’Dell Stanley is a graphic designer who writes. (Or a writer who also designs?) Either way, when she found the place where the two intersected, she was exactly where she wanted to be. She’s a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She’s been married for 25 years (making Tim a saint), and she loves her three quirky nearly-grown kids. Even if they do call her all the time. (Maybe especially because they call her all the time.) She lives in Crawfordsville, IN.www.kellyostanley.com.

Guest-Writers

What Is Love

July 9, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Bethany McIlrath

We know about many characteristics of love, traits like those listed in 1 Cor 13; patience, kindness, humility, etc. We certainly are aware of examples of Biblical love, like that provided in John 3:16. The Bible teaches us much about the actions and consequences of love, as in Romans 13 or John 15, which describe doing no wrong to a neighbor or laying down one’s life for a friend as loving.

But…what is love?

The definition that has most stood out to me is found on page 128 of R.T. France’s Commentary on Matthew. He states that love for others “will issue in prayer…it is not just a sentimental feeling but an earnest desire for their good”.

An earnest desire for their good. What a beautiful phrase.

Consider what this means. Love is not about how we feel. It is not about how other’s feel. To love others is not to please them (in fact, Galatians 1:10 reminds us that our goal is not to please people). Loving people is not about gift giving, intimacy, or even growing in a relationship.

To love someone is to desire for them that they know and follow the Lord. That is the “good” that we all need, the best a person can do. It is the greatest wish or prayer we can offer for another person.

This truth is so freeing and so challenging. The requirements of such a love are not what we expect. But then…that is often the case when we cease imposing our worldly definitions on the principles and concepts of the Bible.

Love means speaking the truth, even when it is painful, so that we better follow the Lord.
• Love requires us to build others up, even when they’ve torn us down.
• Love asks us to remove ourselves when we become stumbling blocks, so that others are not dissuaded from the path of righteousness.
• Love keeps us quiet when we want to hand out answers but the Spirit is already responding.
• Love teaches us to pray that others accept His mercy, even when we see clearly that they do not deserve it -we’ve never deserved it either.
• Love gives us a spirit of forgiveness because it is through forgiveness that Christ enables us to stand before God the judge.
• Love causes us to do the things, big or small, that don’t please us, when another will see or experience the Lord through the process.
• Loves leads us away and leads us to stay depending on the way of the work of the Lord in another’s life.

Loves dismisses the question of what we desire for ourselves and commands us to desire instead for others -that they too may have the full assurance of faith and submit to the light, easy burden and yoke of the only master who -indeed- loves us enough that His desire for our good broke the bonds of sin and death forever and for all who will receive His mercy.

True and absolute love, like that of Christ, surpasses all understanding (Eph 3:19). This perfect love of God’s is the desire that all will come to know His truth and be saved (1 Tim 2:4, 2 Peter 3:9). While we were still His enemies, God desired this for us (Romans 5:8).

Praise the Lord that, as John says repeatedly in His writings, we can love each other truly. Praise the Lord that, even when we don’t and can’t seem to feel affection, we can love others. Praise the Lord that, despite our mistakes or the failures of others, our love can be manifested in prayer for other people. Let our desire be that every person we encounter see Jesus as He is.

~ Bethany

A learner at heart, Bethany McIlrath believes that listening to the Lord’s Word and being attentive to all that He teaches her through daily life is a priceless blessing. Eager to share about her Savior, you can find Bethany’s writing on her blog: Firstandsecondblog.wordpress.com. She would love to connect with you on Twitter or Facebook as well.

Guest-Writers, {Love}

{Love} Pursuit of Love

July 8, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Tricia Underwood

I’m sitting in the exact same chair I sat in when I told him I was done… it was over… that there was no more I could take of our marriage.

It’s a white rocker whose matching partner usually sits empty alongside of it most days, as I find myself swaying along to the rhythm of life outside on our front porch, taking in some much-needed deep breaths, and staring up at the blue sky above me.

That day, however, I don’t remember pretty blue skies. I don’t remember any birds chirping, as they are this very moment. All I remember is the love of my life now standing against the post that held the porch up, looking completely defeated, as if he were trying to hold the entire world upon his shoulders, after the words I had just spoken to him, begging me to tell him what else he could possibly do to fix this.

I had already checked out emotionally.

I was asking him to just let me go.

In my head, I had it all figured out. I had believed the lies the enemy told me that our kids would be happier in the long run with us living apart, as happier (separated) adults than what we were living at that time. He begged for patience and forgiveness… for me to offer him more time to work on some issues we had. I thought the time I had already given him had proved worthless and always ended with the same results. So.Why.Keep.Trying?! That’s the question the enemy kept asking me.

I was tired. Oh, so tired. I just wanted an end to the pain I was in and to somehow find peace in what I thought would be freedom.

Thank God that over the course of 3 more years, the man that God gave me, the father of my children, never.gave.up on me! He never let me go! He never said “yes” to my requests for separation. He fought harder than I ever imagined.

During that time, God broke and softened my own heart as He kept pursuing ME. I didn’t realize how far I had walked~ no, RUN~ from His ways and from His arms. When your own heart isn’t right with God, your relationships, especially your marriage, are bound to suffer!

God taught me so much during those 3 years about how marriage is so sacred to Him through my husband’s constant pursuit, patience, and unconditional love for me. Though I gave him absolutely no reason to, my husband showed me that he loved me as Christ loves the church.

The healing in our marriage finally came once I accepted God back into my heart and re-committed to live my life for Him. Once I finally realized just how far I had run away from the Lord and how badly I needed Him in my life, I cried out to Him from the deepest, darkest, most broken place I have ever been. And He Was There! Right there… with Open Arms! I would have never been able to accept my husband’s love again without first fully accepting God’s love, and God healing our relationship first.

Next, God healed our marriage. When I reached out to my husband with sincere words of regret for such time wasted, painful words spoken, and moments I can never get back to re-do or fix again, my husband welcomed me just the same as God~ with completely open arms… as if he had been waiting for that moment all his life! Our “issues” or problems were exactly the same as before. Nothing had been “solved”, however it was how I now chose to see them that was different (and that’s truly a miracle in and of itself)!

I realized how close I came to losing everything that was important to me in my life~ my husband, my marriage, my family, my home~ nothing that is replaceable! None of that is worth worrying over our “issues”. If love can win over what we have been through, then our issues are truly not that important.

My husband shows me he loves me in a million different ways now~ a lot of ways that are different than when we first got married, and those are the ones that mean the most to me!

Yes, love can change the longer you are married, but it can change for the better if you just look for the GOOD, appreciate what you have, and live your life to serve one another in love!

Ephesians 5:22-33 (NLT)
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Until Next Time,
Tricia

Guest-Writers

But God!

July 7, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Dana Hoebek

…But God!

Feeling hopeless, depressed and that the situation is unredeemable. Nothing can fix it and you’re out of options….

A medical diagnosis

A personal loss

Broken family relationships

Job loss/change

Buried deep in sinful choices

Even the state of the politics right now?

I have tremendously good news for you! It’s in two small words that appear in God’s word over and over. They appear when something is on the brink of all loss, the point of no return.

BUT GOD!

The entire crux of the issue of Christ’s salvation offer is based on our hopelessness, our inability to reach the mark and earn our own salvation. BUT God so loved the world that He gave His only Son!

If we believe Him for His salvation of our very souls, how can we not take Him up on the other “But God” moments He offers us in scripture?

I can testify to some horrendous moments in my life, where all hope was gone, no human possibility of redemption or restoration was showing up on the horizon. As a matter of fact, it just kept getting worse. I had made choices that had removed my options. I had placed myself on the ineligible shelf, forever to be marred and broken, never again to be of any use for the Kingdom, much less my family.

Then a glorious moment happened where my depravity met grace and mercy when a face full of God’s light came crashing in to rescue my sorry state. I had a tiny, weak prayer that shot up to heaven, asking God to get me out, acknowledging that I couldn’t do it. This was one of my “BUT GOD” moment.

God does not deal in the absolutes we place on ourselves here in this world. He operates true to His word each and every time! There is not one situation that cannot be used by Him. There is not one thing or a compilation of things that you can do to make yourself ineligible for His “BUT GOD” rescuing.

Look at some of the ways He tells us about His “BUT GOD” moments to encourage us to believe Him!

(emphasis’ are mine)

Ephesians 2:4-5: But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—

Romans 5:7-8: For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Acts 13:29-30: And when they had carried out all that was written of him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb. But God raised him from the dead!

Genesis 50:20: As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

I Corinthians 3:7: So then neither is he that plants anything, neither he that waters; but God that gives the increase.

Psalm 49:15: But God will redeem me from the realm of the dead; he will surely take me to himself.

Psalm 73:26: My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 66:19: but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer.

From the Old Testament to the New, you can find many stories that include desperate situations and then something happens. “BUT GOD” happens. The supernatural power of God meets the ordinary struggles of this life and suddenly it’s transformed into something so beautiful it’s not recognizable as the old thing. The Light of heaven has touched the stifling dark of this earth. All the experiences of this world that mirror Satan’s involvement get abolished, wiped out and completely transformed.

You cannot have an encounter with God in your dark place without it leaving a deposit of that Light. It’s so potent and powerful, there’s nothing on earth that can compare.

The answer to your darkness is to access the Light! Your physical circumstances may not change, but your heart, mind and actions will most certainly change. The level of healing and redeeming that God provides has nothing on the medical community!

God’s presence in a situation changes the very atmosphere.

It’s palatable.

It’s powerful enough to bring you to your knees in worship

It’s the only answer, all others are smoke and mirror replicas that try to imitate God without bringing Him the glory.

I have a song that I love. I heard it in the very beginning of addiction recovery and it changed how I viewed my restoration. At that moment in life, I NEEDED a God who ripped open the sky and crashed through the clouds in a big way and changed my broken-down addicted mind and changed the atmosphere around me. Boy did He deliver!

Take Him up on the promise to be your Redeemer, Restorer, Protector and Rescuer! He’s bigger than your problem and loves you with such a fierce love that He died for your sins before you were ever born so that one day you could access His power!

The song is “Strong Enough To Save” by Tenth Avenue North. The lyrics are below and a link to the song also.

Strong Enough To Save by Tenth Avenue North

You fought

but you were just too weak

so you lost

all the things you try to keep

now you’re on your knees, you’re on your knees

But wait,

everything can change,

in a moments time you don’t have to be afraid,

cause fear is just a lie

open up your eyes

And he’ll break

open the skies to save

those who cry out his name

the One the wind and waves obey

is strong enough to save you

Look

now is not too late

lift up your head

let the rain fall on your face

youre not far from grace, your not too far from grace

I know the weight of this world can take you down like gravity and I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea but hold on, hold on

~ Dana

Dana is saved by grace, grateful to the core. She is a mother of four teenagers and married to an incredible man for 19 years. Life up to this point has been an adventure for her with so many stories to tell. Her hope and prayer is that God can use her life’s story to reach others and make an impact for the Kingdom.

Guest-Writers

He Whispers

July 6, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Kelly O’Dell Stanley

My friend Cindy and I stepped inside the empty chapel, lowering our voices as we did so. A wooden structure with lots of windows, this humble building perched on the lake. The empty room was decorated with hardwood floors and a view of trees and water. The only furniture: three benches, a chair and a desk. And on the desk, two leather journals.

I opened one, and tears blurred my vision. People who came here before me wrote their prayers on these pages. There was both childish handwriting and mature penmanship. Neat and sloppy. Short and long. Careful and scrawled.

But all were heartfelt.

Some penned cries to God to please hear them. One woman promised to forgive her husband. Others begged God to make Himself known. Some entries were signed “your prodigal son.” People talked of suicide, of loss, of loneliness. One teen wrote, “I’ve put off the old, but when will the new come?”

Desperation and gratitude filled the pages. A depth of feeling I could barely process, except by releasing a steady stream of tears.

I was standing on holy ground. This was a place where people met God.

And our God is a God who can handle all of these needs. Who loves each of those people and hears their cries.

Sanctified, holy ground.

Overwhelmed with His presence.

Bowed under the weight of God’s holiness.

I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I flipped through the pages. Cindy and I read sentences out loud to each other, and smiled, and cried, and laughed, and prayed.

What a God, to inspire such devotion.

To motivate such surrender.

To cherish the depths of such raw emotion.

To answer the needs of people who are tired of hiding, who are desperate for answers, who will risk everything to hear from their God.

That moment is seared into my brain—really, into my heart.

Bet you wish you could go there. Here’s the truth: you can. Anywhere you are, when you drop the barriers and just get real with God—when you stop pretending you’re okay, when you face how badly you need help—that is holy ground.

Those are prayers that move God’s heart.

Those are words that He hears. Needs that He responds to.

Sometimes God has to shout to get our attention.

But other times—in these quiet moments, in these holy, sanctified times—God whispers.

He whispers just to you. Words for your ears only. Salve designed to heal your particular heart.

He whispers life, and hope, and light.

He whispers, “Thank you, my child, for coming home.”

~Kelly

Bio: Kelly O’Dell Stanley is a graphic designer who writes. (Or a writer who also designs?) Either way, when she found the place where the two intersected, she was exactly where she wanted to be. She’s a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She’s been married for 25 years (making Tim a saint), and she loves her three quirky nearly-grown kids. Even if they do call her all the time. (Maybe especially because they call her all the time.) She lives in Crawfordsville, IN.www.kellyostanley.com.

Guest-Writers

Isaac: A Surprising Example of Faith

July 5, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Debbie W. Wilson

If I were going to highlight faith, I wouldn’t have picked the incident of Isaac blessing Jacob. “By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future” (Hebrews 11:20, NIV).

Do you remember the debacle of Isaac blessing Jacob? He thought he was blessing Esau!

God had told Rebekah, while the twins fought in her womb, that He had big plans for both sons. Both would become nations, but He’d chosen to pass on the blessing of Abraham to the younger one (Genesis 25:23).

Isaac didn’t agree with God’s choice. Esau was a hunter, and Isaac enjoyed eating game. Since Esau was born first, Isaac may have felt it was only right to give him the firstborn’s double blessing. Perhaps he reasoned, if God really wanted Jacob to inherit the blessing, He would have told me too, not just Rebekah. Whatever his excuse, Isaac wanted to bless Esau instead of Jacob and tried to behind Rebekah’s back.

But Rebekah overheard Isaac’s plan and devised her own scheme. She prepared a feast for Isaac and dressed her favorite son in Esau’s clothes to deliver it.

Blind Isaac grabbed Jacob to kiss him and smell him. The scent of Esau’s fabrics reassured him he had the right son. After savoring the tasty meal, he blessed Jacob with all he had in his heart to give Esau. Jacob scarcely escaped his father’s tent when Esau returned with the wild game he’d killed for Isaac.

Esau prepared his feast for his father and bounced into Isaac’s tent expectantly. Isaac “trembled violently” when he realized what had happened.

But the jolt woke Isaac’s faith. I believe the scene that followed demonstrates the faith the author of Hebrews wanted to highlight.

“I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!” (Genesis 27:33 NIV).

Instead of crying “Unfair” and demanding his pick receive the blessing, Isaac bowed to God’s choice. He demonstrated the obedience of faith.

Isaac’s words over his beloved Esau echoed what God had told Rebekah: the nation that would come from Jacob would be greater than the one that would come from Esau. Isaac finally believed God’s choice. Shortly afterwards, he blessed Jacob as Jacob before sending him off to find a wife (Genesis 28:1).

God blessed both Jacob and Esau during their lifetimes. But God changed Jacob’s name to Israel and fulfilled the blessing Isaac spoke over him on his descendants. Thousands of years later, we see what Isaac came to believe by faith: Jacob (Israel) was God’s chosen one for the lineage of Christ.

I said I wouldn’t have picked Isaac as an example of faith. But like Isaac, I’ve changed my mind. Isaac reminds us that faith is demonstrated through obedience. Faith supports God’s right to choose. He selects heirs to the promise and examples of faith. He defines right and wrong and what’s moral and immoral.

Sometimes God’s will goes against our natural inclinations. When we submit to His revealed will, we demonstrate faith that God knows best and discover new treasures.

Are you resisting God’s will in an area? Do you think you know better than God? It’s not too late to embrace His revealed will. Doing so landed Isaac in God’s hall of faith. What might it do for you?

~Debbie

Bio: Debbie W. Wilson is an ordinary woman who has experienced an extraordinary God. Drawing from her personal walk with Christ, twenty-four years as a Christian counselor, and decades as a Bible teacher, Debbie speaks and writes to help women discover relevant faith. She is the author of Little Women, Big God and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband, Larry, founded Lighthouse Ministries in 1991. They, along with their two grown children and two standard poodles, enjoy calling North Carolina home. Share her journey to refreshing faith at her blog.

LighthouseMinistriesNC.org

Books: Little Women, Big God

Give Yourself a Break

Blog: debbiewwilson.com

Guest-Writers, {Love}

{Love} My Story

July 4, 2016July 1, 2016 UYM

Written By: Shannon Geurin

My head was in his lap and I was looking up at the ceiling, wondering how I had gotten here. My little girl hopes and dreams were flashing right before my very eyes. My heart felt like it was literally being torn apart. My husband’s soft hands were brushing away the hairs surrounding my face. “Shannon, do you really think that this is Gods will?” In that moment, that very tiny moment in time, it was like a lightbulb that had been flickering for days finally flashed all the way on and shined bright. “No,” I said. “No, it can’t be.”

HOW MY MARRIAGE SURVIVED WHEN IT HAD EVERY REASON TO FAIL.

John and I will be married 25 years in June. This man I love with all of my heart, soul, and mind. He is my everything second only to Jesus. But after 15 years of marriage, I betrayed my husband such that it nearly wrecked and killed both of us. Nevertheless, what Satan meant for pure evil, God has turned in to something very beautiful.

We got married at 19 and 20 and boy did we have the world by the tail. 6 years later we were blessed by a beautiful big lipped baby girl that we named Alex Elizabeth. Then, 2 1/2 years after Averee Grace was born with eyes blue as the sky.

About a year after Averee was born, John’s best friend suddenly died and it completely rocked our world. He and John had plans. They were going to open a business together and had already done most of the research to get started. Our families were close. We spent vacations and holidays together. It was a very traumatic time not only for us, but of course their family as well. He had left a wife and 3 small children behind.

Fast forward 2 years and John had another best friend that suddenly died. Same situation. We were close and spent vacations together. He left a wife and two small children behind.

As crazy as this sounds, after this happened I knew that I would be next. I mean, why wouldn’t I be? John has a pretty extensive family history of heart disease. Surely he will die soon, and I too will be left to take care of two small children. How in the world was I going to do this? How will I get through it? Watching my two friends go through the loss of the loves of their lives just about did me in. It was extremely painful. I don’t know how they did it. Seriously- I have no idea, because we grew apart. Sadly I am no longer close with these two ladies for really no other reason than we just grew apart. But maybe if I peeled the banana back a little more, I intentionally pulled myself away from them. Distancing myself in order to try and save myself. Very selfish I know, but sometimes in life you do things that necessarily may not be the right things in order to survive.

So “knowing” that John would be next I started preparing myself and my heart. I started living out of fear and I just had to figure out a way to become independent. I needed to learn how to take care of myself and my two girls without leaning on John. This was a gradual process and it was something that just happened over time. I didn’t “set out” to become independent, it just happened. And it was wrong. Aside from that, I had completely left my heavenly Father out. I had forgotten to put my trust in Him. There were parts of me that I just hadn’t given over to Him. This was the beginning of my failure. Fear. I let fear in and allowed it to control my mind and thoughts.

Over the next several years we had our normal ups and downs as a couple. We had the normal struggles. We loved each other and were doing fine. We were “coasting.” When Alex was about 7 and Averee 5, John received a promotion at work which caused us to move to Dallas, Texas. We were excited and ready for this new adventure for our family.

Little did we realize that the bricks were slowly starting to break apart. They were on the verge of crumbling down around us suffocating and crushing both of us almost to the point of death.

We were excited to move. Yeah, it was gonna be hard. All of our friends and family were in Oklahoma. Every thing we knew was in Oklahoma. We were tight with everyone- our family, our friends, our church. Even so we were ready. We felt it was God’s will and we were ready and prepared (or so I thought) for the adventure.

John had received a pretty significant promotion so he was in a season of proving himself at work. He has always been good at balancing work and home. He’s always made family a priority and he does it so beautifully- it’s one of the things that I admire and love about him so much. So, during this season in his career it wasn’t that he really worked a lot, but he was under a lot of pressure. He was stressed out. He was on their radar and they were watching him. He just had a lot to prove.

The house we bought was an older home and so it needed some work. The master bathroom was a mess so we had to have it updated. It sounds like a simple task but honestly it was a lot of stress for me because I was the one over-seeing the project. Aside from that, I had to find new doctors, new dentists, new hair stylists – things you really don’t think about when you move, and it was just hard.

Do you remember how I let fear creep in? Fear had crept in to such a degree after the death of our friends that there was a part of me that I kept away from John…the most vulnerable part. I needed to be strong. I needed to be able to take care of myself. That fear flourished inside of me and taught me how to not need my husband. That fear caused there to be a crack in the door of our marriage. And Satan slivered his way through.

Not too long after our move I opened the door of my heart to another man. This led to an emotional affair and then a physical affair that literally almost destroyed me and my husband and our two girls.

I’m going to stop right here and say to you- if you are flirting with this temptation STOP RIGHT NOW. It’s not worth it. I’m telling you, it’s NOT worth it! Furthermore, it’s NEVER God’s will to break up a family. NEVER. If you’re involved in a relationship like this than STOP. It is NEVER God’s will for you to leave your spouse to be with someone else. NEVER.

I betrayed my husband. The one who my soul has always loved.

The one who I promised to cherish and love all the days of my life.

The one who makes up half of my beautiful girls’ heart.

This beautiful man, I betrayed. When the affair came to light, my husband did not kick me out. He should have…but he didn’t. Instead he opened his arms to me. He showed me the love of Jesus. Don’t get me wrong…he didn’t just roll over. He’s a smart guy. He had no idea what I would do, and he had to be prepared. The morning after it came to light he got up (he was sleeping upstairs in the guest room), came downstairs and got in the shower as if he was going to work.

I knew he wasn’t going to work.

He was going to see an attorney. So, he left that morning. The girls were with my in-laws so I was alone. I remember just laying in my bed in the fetal position not knowing what was going to happen. I called my dad and I told him everything. I felt like I was a teenager again as I listened. “Shannon, you cut it off! Cut it off RIGHT NOW.” He had a conviction in his voice that I had never heard. He scolded me and told me what a mistake I had made. He spoke truth to me and talked sense to me. Yes, I felt like a teenager again…but it was exactly what I needed, because I certainly hadn’t been behaving like a responsible adult. Gosh- thank you so much Dad…for speaking truth to me. Thank you for not being afraid of the ramifications of how I would react. Thank you for being brave. You have showed me how to be brave. Oh how I love you Dad.

Can I just tell something?? Speak TRUTH to your loved ones! Speak truth to them even when it will hurt them. And on the flip side- YOU ALLOW OTHERS TO SPEAK TRUTH TO YOU. Speaking truth to others can literally save them! They may not take it well at first, but THEY WILL GET OVER IT.

Later that day I saw Johns car drive in front of our house and pull into the driveway. I walked over to the garage door. I just wanted a hug. I wanted to be in his arms. See, we have this special hug thing that we do. We’ve done it our whole marriage. I walk into his chest and he envelopes his arms all the way around me as if he is shielding me. So, he walks in and I’m standing there. I walk right into his arms and he pulls me close. I whispered, “I love you John.”

“I love you too honey.” And at that moment we both knew that we were going to try.

Little did we know that this was one of the hardest decisions that we would ever make in our marriage.

Here’s the cool part. On the way home John was praying and crying out to God. He asked God to help him know what to do. He asked God for a sign….and when he walks in the door there I am. Our hug was his sign.

Only God.

So the girls were staying with my in-laws and we had about 4 days just to really talk things out and try and move past the initial trauma. Let me say- it would have been SO much easier for both of us just to give up. Infidelity is extremely painful and honestly sometimes it’s just too hard to come back from. The world says it can’t be done.

But Jesus..

Giving up and getting a divorce would have been the easy part for us.

Instead of kicking me out John welcomed me in. He showed me love. I had mocked him and spit in his face. I caused him to bleed and I shamed him. Sound familiar? Matthew 26:67 “Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him..”

Jesus.

He showed me who Jesus was and for the first time in my life I realized what Jesus Christ did for me on that cross. I’ve been a christian and loved Jesus ever since I was a little girl and at the age of 36 I finally understood. 1 Peter 3:18 – Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring us safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the spirit.

That cross though.

I sat up and I asked him, “Why? Why are you treating me this way? Why haven’t you kicked me out?” He got up and started to walk around the sofa and stopped. He bowed over sobbing as if he was in deep pain and agony. He looked up at me, “Because I love you!- I love you Shannon?!”

I love you Shannon.

John, I love you too.

The days following didn’t get better. In fact, they got worse.

I’ll never forget the day we picked up our girls. I remember them piling out of the car; Alex’s mousey brown hair was just a mess and she had that crinkled up nose smile that she always gives me. Averee’s sweet blue eyes just twinkled when she saw me. (Her eyes are now a warm chocolate brown but they were blue for the longest time.) They both ran up to me and hugged me so tight. We hugged for what seemed like the longest time. They had no clue. They had absolutely no clue what their momma and daddy was going through. Those sweet babies didn’t have a care in the world.

They had no idea that the next couple of years would be the hardest…that it would be an emotional roller coaster. They had no idea their parents were literally fighting the powers of darkness and hell.

So, we decided to make it work, but we were very, very broken. There was SO much to be repaired and so much work to be done. I had broken the heart of my husband and completely severed the relationship I had with many of my friends. How could I do such a thing? How could I? It wasn’t my character to do this. I was in such a state of depression for what I had done. There were many days that I didn’t know if I would make it. I just didn’t want to live in the shame and regret. It was too hard.

But Jesus..

Can I tell you something else? Never, EVER make this statement: “I would never do that.” You know, that saying… “Well, I would neeever…” Oh Please. (Honestly that saying makes me want to throw up now.) I said it and look what happened. This thing….thing that I did was the NEVER of all never’s for me. It was my un-doing.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why in the ~~hell~~ world I would disclose something like this online or in public. It’s something that’s supposed to be kept a secret, right? It’s private. Yeah, I know. And Satan would love nothing more than for me to keep quiet. God spoke very clearly to me and told me exactly what to do so I’m doing it. What we went through and how God restored us is just too much of a miracle to keep to myself. Honestly it’s His story, not mine.

JESUS.

Only Jesus.

RESTORATION:

The next 3-4 years was the most difficult season for us. While we were fighting for our marriage we also each had our own, very personal things to work out.

John had to deal with trust issues and the hurt, anger and bitterness. I can’t really go in to what he went through because that is his story…but I will tell you, there were so many layers of deceit and hurt that it is purely a miracle he survived. He is a walking miracle. WE are a walking miracle. OUR KIDS- they are walking miracles.

Thank you Jesus.

And me? Well, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I didn’t know how to read my bible. I remember picking it up and not even understanding the words. Sin does that to you- it twists you around and turns you into something that you are not.

Sin twists you and turns you into something that you are not. #MyInfidelityStory #marriage

Jesus was just foreign to me. It was as if I had never heard of Him or even read the bible. It was weird. The root issue was that I felt unworthy. I felt so unworthy and unlovable. I felt dirty and full of shame. There was absolutely no grace for me and no way back. I would be forever marked as “that woman.”

The healing process for us was extremely crucial and important. Each step had to be taken very carefully. There were so many different layers to our situation. John was completely heartbroken at what I had done. Iwas heartbroken at what I had done. As I said before, our marriage needed healing, and we each needed individual healing. I don’t know how we would have done it without Jesus and counseling. We had an amazing marriage counselor.

Let’s go back and talk about sin for a moment. It makes you want to run. So you have two choices: either run away from God or run to God and let Him see you. And if I were to be honest, I would tell you that it’s easier to run because when you run you can avoid what you’ve done. You can run but it won’t get you anywhere. In fact, it will make you miserable.

When we run to God it’s excruciating at first. Running to Him makes us see what we’ve done and causes us to face it. But letting him see us is crucial! My friend Suzie describes it perfectly.

“He peels away the superficial to find the source of the infection. Like a skilled surgeon, He cracks open the chest to find out which artery is leaking, or which primary muscle needs to be revived. The key to change is letting God see you completely, no holds barred, and offering your thoughts, your relationships, your life and your heart for His skilled touch. ..God sees beyond the obvious sin to heart of the issue -and then reveals that truth to us”

When I ran to God, that is when restoration started taking place.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 The key here is seeking Him with all of your heart. This goes a long with EVERY area of our lives my sweet friends. Every.Single.Area.

Show Him your heart….he sees it anyway. So if He sees it anyway, than why do we need to show Him? Here’s why- it’s the act…and in the act of showing you will find Him and you will find freedom. And it will be worth it.

It’s so worth it.

If you will allow Him to see every part of you….every part…the good and the bad, than you will find him. And that’s just what I did. I found Him. The Him I never knew. Now hear me- I’ve been a Christ follower as long as I can remember. I have loved Him for as long as I remember, but after my infidelity and being stripped bare of everything I ever knew I was finally able to see who He really was and what He really did for me that agonizing day on the Cross.

That cross though.

Jesus paid the price for me that day on the cross. He carried the burden so that I would not have to. HE DID THE SAME FOR YOU. When I realized that I could stop carrying my sin around it was huge for me. He carried my sin to the cross!

Jesus loved me so much that he saw past my sin. John loved me so much that he eventually was able to see past my betrayal. It was Jesus in Him….otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to get past it. If you’re the victim in your marriage because of infidelity the ONLY way you will get through it is JESUS. He is the God of the impossible! SHOW him your heart! Cry out to Him! He will heal it– I PROMISE he will heal it if you let Him.

I have learned that with God I am capable of anything. He is my source! He is my strength! I am not only worthy of God’s love…I am worthy of my own love. I have had to learn how to love myself. Please hear me- until you can fully love yourself, AND forgive yourself, you can not live in the fullness of what Christ offers. You are worthy and you are enough!

Until you can forgive yourself you can not live in the fullness of Christ.

It took me a long time to love myself. I know that there were some who judged me and shamed me…and that’s fine (actually..it’s NOT fine, not according to the bible anyway..)…but no one judged me or shamed me more than myself. Believe me- I judged and shamed myself enough for everyone. I didn’t understand why John treated me the way he treated me. He was extremely protective of me. When others shamed me, he fought for me. The one I betrayed fought for me. Anyone see a resemblance to Jesus here?

Jesus.

This is kind of a bold statement and please believe me when I say that I am speaking this in love and truth. You have absolutely no right to judge or shame me or another human being. No right. Other than Jesus Christ, my husband was the ultimate victim here. If ANYONE has the right, it’s him. There’s no grey area here. It’s black or white.

Someone once said to me, “Shannon, do you realize how lucky you are?” We had been talking about how far we (me and John) had come. This didn’t sit well with my spirit. It was as if this person was shaming me and they didn’t even realize it. Honestly I don’t think this person had any clue as to what they were saying and I love this person with my whole heart and do not find fault with them..but it spoke volumes to me. I was looking down at the time and I slowly lifted my head with conviction and said, “Yes, I know how lucky I am….but you know what? John- he’s lucky too.” It made me feel so small and it made me mad. It was like this person was reminding me of what I had done, reminding me of the burden that I needed to carry around and that I should feel lucky that my husband didn’t kick me out. It was honestly a defining moment for me.

Because of Him I am worthy. And I am loved.

Learning to love myself was hard. Thankfully during the process of restoration I didn’t look to human beings to find love…I looked to Jesus. If I had looked to people I would have never found it, because no one can give us the love we need like Jesus Christ. John couldn’t give me the love I so desperately desired. Only Jesus could do that. I am confident in the love of my Savior. I am confident that I am HIS daughter. Daughter of the King. I can walk in to a public place and hold my head up high and know that I am worthy and that I am not dirty or worthless. I am loved.

Ya know, Christians are funny little humans. When one of our own sins we tend to just kind of freak out, don’t we? <insert total sarcasm here> I’m talking about BIG sins (infidelity, murder, stealing, etc)…because small sins (lying, judging, over-eating, pride, etc) aren’t the same are they? When one of our own commits a BIG <inserted sarcasm still there> sin and then genuinely repents we find it hard to move past it. It’s like they don’t deserve to be happy and confident in Jesus. It’s like we expect them to carry around what they did. Why is that? I mean, whats up with that??

Can we as christians vow to not be that way anymore? Please? I used to be that way until I was the one, then when I was the one I stopped being that one. (Say that real fast three times) Christians- (I say this in love) stop walking around like you have arrived. You have not. You will arrive when you walk through those majestic gates of Heaven. You will never reach this generation until you drop the pride. This generation won’t put up with it..they just won’t.Christians will never reach this generation until they drop the pride.

John 8:7– When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Jesus was on my side, and He’s on your side too.

Luke 6:37– “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Romans 2:1- “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

Can we all learn something from this? Don’t judge. Love. I am SO thankful to the ones that loved me through it!

I learned the true love of a savior. He knew what I would do. He let me fall and it broke His heart, but He was right there to pick me up. He was always there. Through every single tear he was there. I swear I cried for 3 years straight. I was so weak, but I became strong because of Him! Everything I am today is because of Jesus Christ.

I want you to listen to me.

If you who have suffered a broken heart for what ever reason, offer that heart up to the one who died for you. Face your pain. Face your struggles. Strip yourself bear and offer everything you have up to your Savior who literally DIED for you. He died for you. He died the most hideous of all deaths. OFFER YOUR HEART IT UP TO HIM. Offer your broken heart up to the One who died for you. #Jesus

Maybe you’ve had a dream that has never came to fruition and you want to let go of it. Don’t let go!

Never let go.

Maybe you have sin in your heart right now or your like I was and you are carrying a past sin around…. you feel isolated, alone… Jesus isn’t afraid to talk about our sin!!! Talk to him about it! Give it to him! Give him your whole heart! Satan WANTS you to feel isolated and that’s a whole ‘nother blog post…but if he can get you to feel isolated than he’s got you!

So many people tell me that I am brave and courageous. Listen- Jesus made me brave!

No matter what we’ve been through or what we face, we all have within ourselves to be BRAVE – to be the person that God designed us to be! Its your decision! Step out of your comfort zone! With HIS courage and HIS strength we CAN make the choices that can CHANGE our circumstances!!!

WHERE WE ARE NOW:

So, has it been worth it? Naturally I guess it seems my answer would be yes. Our family is so happy today. There is pure, genuine and fierce love. We know what it feels like to almost lose love and we’ve both tasted death. We are thankful and we live each and every day out of gratefulness, and hopefully that has been passed down to our girls. So to get to where we are today I would say yes it has been worth it…but if I could go back and change what I had done than I would. Because even though today we are happy I wish I hadn’t done it. I wish I could take it back and go to the place I was before I broke my husband’s heart into tiny little pieces.

Several months ago I got a call from a good friend.

“I would love for you to speak at our Women’s Conference this year.”

Those 13 little words caused my heart to hit the floor because I knew at some point that it would be coming and I was extremely nervous. Yet, God had been preparing my heart for this for the last year. I don’t know why I was anxious I just was. When I hung up the phone I inched down to the floor and stared straight ahead for what seemed the longest time. Ya know that one emoji with the big eyes and straight mouth? Yeah that was me. “God…, this is it, isn’t it?”

Then I remembered; everything that I had gone though and everything that our family had gone through had brought us to that day. The day that I would share my story publicly. The day that would cause countless lives to be touched by my heavenly Father.

When my beautiful friend Jen asked me to speak she had no idea what was really going on in my mind. The self-doubt, the fear, the anguish. Would my family be okay? Why would I tell thousands of people about such a dirty secret? God? God! Is this really you??

I knew I had to do two things before I told her a definite yes. #1- It was critical that my husband be 100% on board and at peace with this. #2- I would need to have a conversation with my daughters.

My sweet daughters.

Their hearts.

This was almost too much to bear. After everything John and I had gone through; the utter heart-break, the depression, the isolation…nothing to me was worse than possibly causing my daughters’ heart to break in two for them knowing about what I had done. This is where FAITH comes in. It took an enormous amount of faith for me to move forward with what I believe God had called me to do. I had to believe that if he had called me to share my testimony publicly that he would put everything in to place perfectly. This included taking care of my daughters’ hearts. Let me just tell you, he had their hearts in His enormous hands the whole time.

Before I go on, let’s backup just a little.

It took about 5 years for both of us to become completely whole. 5 years of blood and sweat. It was hard work. Marriage is hard work y’all. But if you push through the hard times it can be so rewarding.

When you push through the hard times, marriage can be so rewarding. #marriage #myinfidelitystory…

We only lived in Dallas for roughly 2- 2 1/2 years. John’s company was bought by a bigger, larger company so some things changed and it allowed us to move back to Oklahoma. Back home. It was a miracle. God knew what we needed- to be back home surrounded by family and loved ones. As I told you yesterday, the next couple of years proved to be the hardest. When we go through hard things in life we have two choices. Either we sweep it under the rug; because sweeping it under the rug will cause it to go away, or we do the hard part and face it. Remember Jeremiah 29:13?
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with ALL of your heart.

We could have swept it under the rug…acted like it was fine, but ultimately that probably would’ve been our downfall, and we would’ve chosen to live an average life, mediocre, okay, ordinary life. But we didn’t do that. We chose to face it. We had to face it. We longed for wholeness. We longed for genuine happiness. So we chose to face it. We had so much junk to work through. If you’re marriage has been rocked by infidelity than you know exactly what I’m talking about. In order for us to survive we had no choice.

We had to seek Him with ALL of our hearts, so that we would find Him, and in finding Him we would find our ultimate healing.

When you seek Him with all of your heart, your healing will begin. #MyInfidelityStory #marriage

We fought and we fought hard. And it made us strong. Jesus made is strong.

So after Jen called and asked me to speak I talked to my husband and he was 100% at peace. He had no second thoughts. I kinda thought he might have second thoughts but he had none. Ok God? Wow! Well that was easy..so that was checked off my list.

Next. My girls. Oh dear God, my sweet girls…

When I talked to Alex it was the most beautiful moment and something I will forever treasure in our relationship. We went and got take out from Chipotle (her favorite place) and went to the park for a picnic. It is her senior year so I wanted to just talk to her about being an adult and tell her about the mistakes I had made in my early adulthood days that hopefully she could avoid. I knew this would also be a perfect time to tell her about what her dad and I had gone through. So after we talked about some of those things, I knew it was time to talk to her about the other. “Honey, also….your momma made a mistake….” The moment I said the word mistake she bowed her head and put her face in her hands and started sobbing. I freaked out thinking OH MY GOD what have I done?? Was this a mistake??!!!

She looks up at me. “Mom, I already knew. I’ve known all along.

Wait. What? “I didn’t know if you were ever going to tell me. I’ve kept it inside for so long.”

Wow. I immediately started telling her how much I loved her daddy and what an amazing man he was and I started talking about love and forgiveness and I asked her to forgive me. I mean I was grasping at straws here…

“Mom, I forgave you a long time ago.”

Those words. 8 words. Who knew 8 small words could change a life.

This little girl had kept that secret to herself for 7 years. She never spoke a word of it to anyone. Never asked me about it. Never asked John about it. Never talked to her sissy about it. Wow. What a girl. What a strong, courageous little girl.

We underestimate our children sometimes.

How did she know? Honestly I’m not sure. The only way she could’ve known is by hearing me and her dad talk. We had A LOT to talk about- especially after the initial trauma of the infidelity. We talked every night when they went to bed and any time we had a chance when we thought they weren’t listening. Alex is also very intuitive and picks up on things very quickly. She’s a smart one, that girl.

Galatians 6:7- …a man reaps what he sows.

I have reaped what I have sown in my precious oldest daughter. She carried that around for 7 years. If you know my Alex, than you know that she is very hard to get to know. She is sort of closed-off and it takes a lot for her to trust someone. She keeps her emotions bottled up and sometimes she finds it hard to express herself and how she is feeling. I believe this is because she had to learn to keep things in and keep her emotions at bay. My Alex is the most caring person you will ever meet. She truly cares about people even if her actions paint a different picture. Most won’t take the time to get to know her- but those that do find a loyal and caring friend.

We’ve always had a strong bond. I’ve had that with both of my girls. My love for them comes with a certain kind of fierceness. Since that conversation we have had an even stronger bond. It broke so many chains in her life as it did mine. She has a different kind of peace about her now…and I don’t know if she knows it, actually I take that back- I’m certain she does know..it’s the peace of the Father. A peace that ONLY comes from above. Her senior year isn’t what I had hoped it to be for her. In fact, it has been extremely hard for various other reasons. Yet, even so, she has peace. And she is happy. She’s always been happy…but she is a different kind of happy now.

And here comes the miracle:

My sweet Alex- she knows how to fight. You see, we didn’t know that she knew. Over the last several years Alex has known what her parents went through…and she has seen us genuinely fight for one another. She was watching. I don’t know what she thought initially. Did she think we were going to make it? I don’t know? Did she wonder if one day she would come home from school only to find out her parents were getting a divorce? I don’t know? Each day though…she saw us fight for each other. She literally was witness to her parents putting the pieces of their marriage back together. She saw us love; the genuine, authentic kind of love. And she saw Him. She saw Jesus.

Only Jesus.

Can we just take a moment and give Him the honor he so deserves?? Thank you Lord!! Thank you so much!

And Averee Grace?

Look at that sweet girl. Oh that little bundle of joy, what can I say about her? When I had my conversation with Averee she formed big crocodile tears in her eyes. She had questions. I answered. I was honest and real. Then 15 minutes later she was asking what we were having for dinner. Seriously if it were normal I would take a bite out of those cheeks of hers. If I could just fold her up and carry her in my pocket… Oh how I love that sweet baby of mine. She brings joy to everyone she touches. She has truly been a gift to me.

Can I tell you something? Be honest with your kids. Have honest conversations with them. Be real and authentic. Our world is full of fake, let it be different at home.

Let your home be a place of authenticity. #marriage #mystory #infidelity

Today our family is a living, breathing miracle. When I think of the grave possibilities that could have taken place had we not surrendered to Jesus I shutter. There is fierce love in our home. What you see is what you get with us. People joke and kid with me all the time about the way we love each other. “You and John are so sappy and mushy!” Yep. We sure are. I would always think to myself- if you only knew what we have gone through to get here. We hold on to each other and we hold on tight.

We live.

We laugh.

We love.

John and I have learned the gift of God in marriage. We are a team. We love and we love hard. We don’t hide it. Love is a decision and we have decided to love on purpose. When I am weak, he is strong. When he is weak, I am strong.

Love is a decision and we have decided to love on purpose. #marriage #MyStory #infidelity

Because of Jesus.

We are John and Shannon. And we always will be.

We have had so much favor in our life. John has had so much favor in his career. Since this happened he has received three promotions. I don’t tell you this to brag. He has had favor at work that you would not believe. I believe God has honored him for his decision to fight through the pain and work on our marriage. John has developed such a strength and tenacity that only comes from God. Oh how God has honored Him.

God will honor you when you do the hard things. #marriage #MyStoryofInfidelity

Proverbs 3: 3-4 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation.

And me? Well if you knew me before and you know me now you probably will say I am a completely different Shannon, in a good way. I’ve come a long way. I am bold. I am strong. I will speak truth in love to you. I will support you and I will fight for you. I do all of this because of Jesus inside of me. It isn’t me, it’s Him. He is my reason!

I realized something yesterday as I was driving down the road and it made me giggle..so I changed my blog name to ShannonGeurin.com right? I think that’s been Gods plan ever since I started my blog, because.. well,..I am Shannon Geurin. That’s who I am. There is nothing for me to be ashamed of. I am the daughter of the the most high King and because of this my chin is up. I am His.

Fiercely His.

Guest-Writers

What God Has For You Today

July 3, 2016June 30, 2016 UYM

Written By: Bethany McIlrath

It’s a new day. What if it’s a good one?

God has a few things for his followers today (and everyday.) They’ll make whatever your schedule holds better. You don’t have to take them or appreciate them, but you can if you’d like. His offer is free and wide open.

Your options (and you don’t have to choose just one!):

Companionship

You never have to be alone. When Jesus said He was sending the Spirit to dwell in His followers, He meant it (John 14:26.) The Holy Spirit accompanies you, comforts you, and even advocates for you. The Spirit keeps you close to the Lord’s will and His best for you. That’s some companion!

Guidance

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that God’s Word (at the ready for your reading pleasure today!) is able to guide you. It is God-breathed. He speaks to instruct you, direct you, correct you, and encourage you.

Wisdom

Is there ever a day you are not in need of wisdom? Today is no exception (1 John 5:20.) You need wisdom in your decisions, big and small. Wisdom should season your speech and change your attitude. Wisdom gives you understanding, which enables you to know Him. And knowing Him shapes who you are, how you see things, and how you live – all for the better.

Someone to Talk To

“Pray without ceasing” is as much a gift as a wise suggestion (1 Thessa 5:17.) The Lord hears it all and knows it all. He still loves you anyway. Since He’s always listening and loving, the Lord really is always there to talk to. Ask Him questions, ask for help, share your concerns. Share a laugh. The Lord is listening and He does respond.

Help

When God sent His son, He sent you help. In sending the Spirit, Jesus sent a helper for you. Yes, the Lord is ready to help. He is prepared, and capable (Luke 7:16.)

Love

1 John 4:16 proclaims that “we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.” His very presence in your life shows His love for you, and you can choose to talk right up to Him today because of His love for you through Christ. You can go all day in that love and rely on it too.

Purpose

1 Corinthians 7:17 says that the Lord has assigned your situation. He has called you to a task, uniquely. All work is not vain when performed for the Lord. As you approach your tasks today, take it from Him: you have a purpose.

Growth

He has fashioned you, and continues to do so (2 Corinthians 5:5.) Today, the Lord has plans to shape you and grow you. You don’t have to be the same old, same old. You don’t have to stay stuck. Even as you wait on Him and nothing around you seems to change, He is growing you.

Guest-Writers, {Beauty}

{Beauty} He Makes All Things Beautiful

July 2, 2016June 30, 2016 UYM

Written By: Patricia Underwood

As a nurse, we call them “frequent flyers”. It may sound disrespectful, but we honestly don’t mean to be. It’s a code term for a patient that frequently visits the facility. In the PACU (post-anesthesia care unit), I wouldn’t have thought this would be a common occurrence, because really~ who PLANS to have surgery frequently?! It wasn’t long into my field change in nursing from being a cardiac nurse of 13 years to PACU nursing that I quickly discovered a bizarre, yet tragically sad problem. An epidemic really.

Mental illness.

Sure, I had seen it in several “forms” multiple times throughout my years in nursing, but never to the degree as I’ve seen in the PACU. Without getting into too many potentially disturbing details, some people have such a difficult time coping with life that they harm themselves to the point that requires surgery. They are usually very open and honest about their reasons, once asked. I can’t pretend to understand exactly what they have gone through or what they are dealing with in their hearts or heads that leads them to thinking THAT is the only “answer” to somehow lessening the internal pain they are experiencing.

But, the sad truth is, for various reasons, it’s been my experience that most nurses find caring for these patients after surgery is extremely challenging. I would even go as far to say that many nurses dread the post-operative period with the patient. I believe it mostly has to do with the nurse’s own insecurity with how to approach and communicate with the patient. A lot of these patients are being treated for at least a couple different mental illnesses, so their behavior and attitudes could be affected by their medications, complicating the entire experience.

Matthew 25:40 (NLT)
“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

It would be fair to say that of all the patients to care for in the recovery room, a patient with mental illness (especially one that self-harms to this extent) would be the “least of these”. He/she would be like the leper that is forbidden from coming into the crowd of people. They’d be the one that the disciples would advise Jesus to ignore.

Yet, Jesus sees the Beautiful inside.
He sees their heart.

1 Samuel 16:7 (NLT)
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

I believe a huge part of what patient’s with mental illness feel is a total loss of self-control. And can I just be honest here?! Haven’t we all felt that to one degree or another? I can’t say that I have always reacted the best in those situations myself. I may not have decided to self-harm, but indirectly, I’m sure the ways I “handled” those times in my life weren’t always the healthiest.

I once had such “frequent flyer” patient with mental illness. I remembered him clearly from the last time he had surgery. After he woke up from his last surgery, he became confused and combative during the post-operative period. He actually physically assaulted one of our male nurses and sent that nurse to the emergency room to be evaluated for a broken jaw! Several months passed and the patient was back for a similar surgery. This time, I was going to be his nurse in the recovery room. I prayed for God’s protection as this young man woke up from surgery and prayed that God would give me a calm demeanor for this man.

Not only did his post-operative period go perfectly, but God softened this young man’s heart and caused him to open up to me and share with me a beautiful piece of it that I believe he hasn’t shared with very many other people. This young man writes song lyrics! He keeps a journal of all the lyrics he’s ever written and had it with him. He mentioned it and I was immediately intrigued. Perhaps because I showed interest (maybe one of the first people to ever show genuine interest) he chose to share it with me.

I opened his simple 49-cent journal to see pages upon pages upon pages of lyrics, written in the most beautiful handwriting. It was obvious that such pride was taken when he wrote each line.

As I was flipping through his lyric journal, I felt like I was taking glimpses into his heart. I didn’t want to read the words because I felt like that was something too private, but I told him that I thought he had an amazing gift and I hope he continues to write!! I love how God uses even something that the world sees as “ugly” and can completely use and transform it into something so beautiful!! I pray this young man will be able to see God’s handiwork in his life (Ephesians 2:10 NIV) and see that He has been working all things for his good (Romans 8:28).

It was a privilege to care for this gentle soul that day. God reminded me that patients are more than their diagnosis and that they all need tender, loving care in their most vulnerable times of pain~ which often times is deeper than the physical level.

Until Next Time,
Tricia