Written By: Cheyenne Ranta
I am not my past. I’m not my mistakes. I’m not the shame and guilt that has built it’s home in my mind. I’m not the girl that everyone doubted.
If you knew me before God got a hold of my life, only then would you understand how far I’ve actually come. I’ve hurt a lot of people because I only cared about what I wanted. I numbed myself into not caring what anybody said or thought, including God. And in the end, I hurt myself more. I lost myself, my friends and I fell far from the path of God. I had to hit rock bottom before I realized how much I really needed Him. I believe wholeheartedly that God can completely change someone if they allow Him to.
That’s exactly what He did for me.
I attended a church camp over this past summer and the Evangelist was talking on the topic of forgiveness. It wasn’t just about learning how to forgive other people when they wrong you, but also on how to forgive yourself. My heart was pounding the whole time. Memories of things that I had done played over and over in my mind. It felt like I was drowning in the guilt and shame. At the end of the sermon, he opened up the altar for anyone who would want to come and pray. My heart dropped and I felt weak in the knees but I knew I needed to go. I hated what I was feeling, but most of all I hated myself. I was the first one to the altar. It felt so far away! By the time I reached the altar, I fell to my knees and started pouring out my heart to God. I cried out saying, “God I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Lord, I have done everything except what You have asked of me. I’m so sorry. I am opening up my heart, body, mind, and soul completely to You. You know the many mistakes I have made and how many times I have willingly walked away from You. I feel so much guilt and shame for the things I have done. Lord, I need Your help in letting it all go and placing it in Your hands and never to pick it back up. I realize, Lord, that I can not live without You, and how much of a need there is for You in my life. Please forgive me, Lord, for anything I have done that has not been pleasing to You. Change me, Lord, and mould me into the woman You want me to be.”
It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. And the tears that were once tears of shame, turned into tears of joy. That was seven months ago. God has been a faithful God. I’m continuing to learn and grow in Him and my life has never been better. He changed me completely and is helping me to see my full potential.
When the fear of the past comes crawling up on me and the devil tries to remind me of who I once was, I quote to myself Isaiah 44:22,
” I have swept away your offences like a cloud, your sins like
the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”
My God is a forgiving God! He forgave me of my sin, changed me, wiped my slate clean and gave me a fresh start. I don’t know where I would be without Him.
He’s so worthy of praise!
Until next time,