Written By: Tori Hazzard
Who Calls You Worthless?
Having been someone who struggled hard with proving to myself I really am worthy of God’s love, I mean every word.
Almost 5 years ago, my father started walking in and out on my family. Three years ago, he completely left my family. He left without warning and to this day, I don’t know his reasoning of why. I will never forget the feelings of anger toward my dad and toward God on that day. September 4th, 2012 was the beginning of what I though was my world ending. I’ve been a Christian from a young age and I have always believed God could fix my family but I have had a hard time truly letting go and letting God have all of my problems.
Holding onto my grudge against my dad was probably the worst thing I could do to my walk of faith. I allowed Satan to grab a foothold on my life and I was stuck in a very dark place. Satan would tell me lies and I would believe them but only he was calling me worthless. Everyone around me had no idea of how I felt and that was one of the hardest things to deal with. I had developed a trust issue after my dad left because I didn’t want to tell anyone anything just in case they left me too. So I kept everything to myself and never told anyone anything.
One night, almost a year and a half ago, I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I just let everything out in a flow of tears. After I was done crying, one of my friends who I was just getting to know asked me what was going on. This person tried their best to comfort me and to make me feel more wanted but looking back, I totally see God there speaking through my friend and giving him the words I needed to hear. Because this person allowed God to work through them, I stopped myself from making a big mistake that would change my life and the lives of others around me.
After that night I started writing things down when I was angry or sad. I wrote them addressed to my dad and to other people. I would keep them and I would continue to write on them when I felt I needed too. Just recently, at a youth night at my local church, my best friend and her sister helped me realize these things I was keeping were actually tormenting me and were making me feel worse. They spent a lot of time with me and helped me get through many tears. That night I went home and took the letter I had the longest and that was tormenting me the most, and I went out with my brother and I burned it.
Once I lit that paper on fire, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was texting my best friend, her sister and the person that God used to help me almost a year and a half ago, while I watched the paper burn. I let everything go that night and I’ve been living a better life ever since. I feel like I can do anything and I have the support of many really close friends.
This all started because I held onto anger and I allowed Satan to grab a foothold and call me worthless. When you hear something in your head that isn’t building you up, almost always it’s Satan trying to corrupt you. He was the only one calling me worthless and he is the only one calling you worthless too. Don’t let it tear you apart.
~Proverbs 31:10b- she is worth more that diamonds.~
God says you are worth more than diamonds and He would never go back on His word and say you aren’t. Only Satan calls you worthless and you can’t let it get to you and destroy you. Next time you hear anything that is trying to make you feel worse, know it’s from Satan and do whatever you need to, to make sure he knows he isn’t going to hurt your relationship with God. Whether that be you write out what you are hearing and you throw it in the garbage, you might burn the words or simply you can just tell Satan he isn’t going to corrupt you.
Heavenly Father, I pray that this group of women will stand up to Satan and lean on You. I pray no woman will fall into Satan’s trap of lies. I know that You say I am worth more than diamonds and I hope every woman will believe that about the self too!!!